Real Talk
Jim Bacarro and Saab Magalona-Bacarro Family’s Special Song
How Jim Bacarro and Saab Magalona-Bacarro raise Pancho and transform the world with a more inclusive future for him.
This story about Jim Bacarro and Saab Magalona-Bacarro first came out in Modern Parenting’s special Mother’s Day-Father’s Day 2023 Print Edition available on https://sarisari.shopping/.
As soon-to-be parents to twins, Jim Bacarro and Saab Magalona’s expectations took a 180-degree turn suddenly after Saab went through a difficult birthing experience. The couple lost Luna, their baby girl, and then discovered that Pancho had been brain-injured. “Even when it wasn’t properly diagnosed, it was very scary for me. I think I cried in the NICU,” Saab admits.
“Unfortunately, cerebral palsy isn’t detected until 2 years old, so for the most part of Pancho’s babyhood, we weren’t sure. But we were told what to look for, what signs to take note of. There would be complications but we were told that he would have some sort of learning disability.”
“We didn’t have a full diagnosis back then,” Jim recounts the first time the doctor broke the news. “He was a few days old and Saab was still in the ICU. A doctor had to tell me that they found out through an ultrasound that Pancho suffered an injury to the brain. But we never needed to wait for a full diagnosis to know that he was a brain-injured child.”
Knowing the signs to look out for did little to soothe the fear. That said, even cerebral palsy, a lifelong learning disability, never changed their love for Pancho.
It’s a journey of learning and loving again
Jim Bacarro had a metaphor that aptly described what it was like for him and Saab to parent Pancho. “It’s like you’ve planned a whole trip for Italy, preparing to see the sights, bringing the clothes that’s good for the weather in Italy. But when you arrive, you realize that you’re in Japan. It’s different but it’s still beautiful. It’s just a different destination.”
“But the reality is, you were prepared for a trip to Italy,” Saab adds. “There’s a sense of unpreparedness.”
How does one cope with it?
That unpreparedness sometimes also stems from how a parent could make the world a better place for children with cerebral palsy. Jim and Saab started by teaching their 3-year-old son, Vito, about his brother’s needs. “He’s [Vito] only three so there’s a lot of things he doesn’t understand yet,” Jim shrugs. “But the thing we want to teach him is how to express love, gentleness, and kindness.”
“It’s the same way we would have raised Vito even if Pancho wasn’t a brain-injured child,” Saab adds. “There’s no difference. Maybe just a few times wherein we ask Vito to be more careful or explain to Vito that Pancho didn’t mean to hit him. They like to jump around and sometimes, they do a bit of rough-housing.”
Jim adds, “But it’s a beautiful thing to see; their relationship has a language of its own. There’s a lot of understanding between the two of them.”
But words are not the only way Pancho communicates with the rest of them. Jim Bacarro and Saab Magalona, musicians in their own right, saw how their affinity for music was passed on to their boys. While Vito had been learning the drums, Pancho communicates through his song choices when he can’t find the words to relay his thoughts.
“It was the first time he told us he wanted something,” Jim recalls. “He laughed. There were certain songs he liked.”
Saab beams, “He could recognize patterns. That was the first time we discovered, ‘Wow, he’s understanding us.’ There’s really something enlightening about raising a special needs child.”
A special kind of parenting
Parenting will always be a trial-and-error process but finding ways to cater to Pancho’s needs has been a learning experience for both Jim and Saab. Jim says, “Enjoy the process.” It’s in the enjoyment where Jim discovers that he’s capable of so much more. “There’s a resilience in me that I never knew I had. And I think it’s knowing that although we may doubt ourselves, the moment our children need us, we will be prepared. We will realize that we’re the best people who take care of them.”
And in caring for and parenting kids, there are lessons parents can learn from their children, too. “What I’ve learned from Pancho [is that] he inspires me. To keep on trying and never give up on anything that I want to do,” Saab reflects. “Even with work and everything else, I always think, ‘If Pancho can do it then, what about me?’ I’ve learned that I’ve had more patience than I thought. Especially when dealing with other parents. It’s part of the sad reality we live in now. We’re not as exposed. We’re not as inclusive as think and want to be.”
Not fixing—but finding what works
Sometimes, finding that “mastery” means having a personal breakthrough. Saab’s decision to seek professional help granted her more insight on how to help Pancho. “It was only when I learned how to take care of myself that I was able to let go of the guilt. As a mom, I just felt responsible, but when I began to accept it, I was able to give good energy to Pancho and he began to show all his milestones.”
To read the full article, download the e-mag or buy a copy from sarisari.shopping.
More about the Magalona-Bacarro family?
Saab Magalona and Pancho: Why Music Is The Language of Love
WATCH: Vito Bacarro Drumming to the Beatles’ Tunes!
Saab Magalona and Jim Bacarro Celebrate Buying Their First Brand New Car!
