Real Talk
Maxene Magalona: “Stop Asking Women When They’ll Have Kids!”
Maxene Magalona explains the intricacies of why people should stop asking women when they’ll have kids while revealing what many young women think about having kids.
On an Instagram post, Maxene Magalona reveals that she often gets the question, “Ms. Maxene, bakit hindi pa po kayo mag-baby?” (“Ms. Maxene, why don’t you have a baby yet?”). Taking the opportunity, Maxene explained just how loaded the question is for men and women, for those who lived in abusive households and trauma, and just how conscious the choice must be when choosing to have a baby and taking on the role of a parent.
The Question Can Be Quite Triggering!
“It [the question] is awkward, invasive, and can be a bit rude,” explains Maxene. “Some women (and men) biologically can’t have children and some don’t even want to have them in the first place.”
It may sound like a harmless question but it can drag out insecurities they’d rather not put out in the open yet. It may lead to trauma dumping and most of all, it can put unnecessary pressure on both women and men. Maxene also reminds people that having kids is a conscious choice and not be made something ‘out of boredom’:
“I want to take this opportunity to use my voice to encourage all of you (especially those who don’t have children yet) to consciously ask yourselves if you truly want to have kids or if you’re just following what everyone else in society is doing. Are you just bored? I highly recommend looking within yourself first, checking to see if you’ve done enough inner work and healing for you to be able to have kids and get real with yourself about your intentions. If you want to have kids but refuse to heal your childhood wounds, believe me when I say that you will end up unconsciously passing these on to your children. If you don’t want to have kids but still do it anyway because of the pressures of society, you will end up resenting yourself and your children as well.”
Maxene
Moreover, she advises that young men and women should look into “conscious coupling” before getting into relationships and marriages. Whereas, couples looking forward to having kids research “conscious parenting“.
Maxene also offers an alternative question to ask to get the ball rolling. “I encourage those of you who are used to asking this question to try to break the cycle and stop it if you can. We should all be asking each other, “How are you?” instead of these personal questions.”
Some women are happy this way and that’s okay!
It’s 2022 and time to accept that there are just some women who are happy with not having kids. Maxene shares, “I want to put it out there that I am 100% okay with my current life situation. Yes, there have been a lot of rough and painful times but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I understand that this is my unique journey and I simply choose to surrender to God’s plan.”
Maxene Magalona isn’t the only one who has to deal with this question. Miss World Winner 2013 Megan Young became candid with her fears about pregnancy on their vlog, too. “I think, in terms of the pregnancy itself, because getting pregnant is always a risk, ‘di ba? Sabi nila, it’s a choice and a risky thing for the human body. I guess I’m afraid of having complications for myself and for the child if ever we do get pregnant. That’s my number one fear. It’s getting sick or dying, honestly, from having a baby. I’m just scared of the unknown. Not being able to know what’s gonna happen to my body, how my body is going to react really scares me. Those are my initial fears.”
She also revealed that she and Mikael are not closing the door to having kids. “If we have kids, we have kids. If we don’t, then we don’t,” Miss World 2013 said.
Many recognize that having kids is a big responsibility and it’s a responsibility that we must do right by.
More about triggers and sensitive questions? Here are some stories:
How To Not To Get Triggered by Kids’ Misbehaviors
Trauma Dumping: What It Is and Why We Do It
When Are You Going To Have a Baby? Questions and Subjects that can be Sensitive to Others
