Moms and Dads
Moms On Losing Touch With Friends After Becoming a Mother: “It Hurts.”
Being left out by friends is frustrating for anyone—including moms who find themselves moving from the A-List to the B-List.
The A-List isn’t just for movie stars. It’s also for moms when we call our friends to come out and get no response. Sometimes, we don’t even get invited. Instead, we see photos of our friends getting together pop up on social media. It then leaves us to wonder: “Did I do something wrong?” The anxiety can be so hard to fight that we start blaming all sorts of things or coming up with all sorts of ideas.
Moms get FOMO, too!
FOMO or the Fear of Missing Out hits moms just as hard as teens. When moms have kids, we find ourselves stuck in the house longer than we realize. For a good two years, we barely see friends and our schedule is wrapped around taking care of our children. Because we have been doing it for so long, sometimes, we eventually accept it as our reality. Thus, it becomes harder and the FOMO gets louder.
How to deal with moving from the A-List to the B-List
Dealing with being the not-go-to-friend can be difficult since there’s a grieving process involved. The most painful part would be accepting that there are just some get-togethers or moments we’re forced or choose to miss out on. The terrifying part is the uncertainty; is there anything our friends wouldn’t tell us to our face and would rather backstab? Those are the things that drive more anxiety than they should.
1. Be upfront with your partner that you want to hang out with friends.
Usually, husbands and wives don’t share the same friends. Lucky if they do but the majority of the time, the friend groups are separate. It’s also healthy for moms to have a group of friends separate from dads. It’ll give them a chance to relax and touch on their own identities. The same applies to dads who may be feeling the change from the A-List to the B-List, too.
2. Have a JUNK (Just Us, No Kids) Day
There are days when we want to do the things we used to do before we became parents. If not together, maybe have one where dad has his own JUNK Day and mom has hers. It may be hard when there’s still a baby in the house but once they get older, it’ll be easier. This is also why household chores need to be divided equally between both parents.
3. Finding comfort in solitude
Sometimes, there’s more comfort in solitude than there is with people. It may feel like one is missing out but there are times that it’s better to not be involved. Drama ensues and staying out of the mess is a lot better. Besides, there are fun activities you can do in solitude like painting, trying out all sorts of wine, and maybe finishing up a few books.
A-List or B-List Doesn’t Matter Among Real Friends
We all make friends at some point in our lives. But there’s a particular friend that every mom has that no matter how much time has passed, we’ll hang out as if nothing has changed. While it’s okay to grieve for being moved from an A-List to a B-List friend, remember that some friends will always find a way to go to your house to break the monotony of the routine. Mom or not. So to all those friends who do that for us, thank you.
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