Real Talk
10 Things Filipinos Should Stop Saying at Family Reunions
Now that the holiday season is upon us, we’ve listed all the tactless things that Filipinos should stop saying at family reunions.
For many young adult Filipinos, the joy and magic of Christmas just aren’t the same as when they were children. After all, it’s hard to feel the Christmas spirit when you’re exhausted from work, struggling mentally, and having a hard time making ends meet. The mental overload can be too much that all they want to do during the holidays is to rest and give themselves a break. It’s important to remember that the holiday season can drain more than cheer up some people. So it always pays to be kind—not just to your loved ones but even to those you don’t know. One way to practice kindness is to actually be more mindful about what to say during reunions and get-togethers. Here are some of the things Filipinos should stop saying.
These are just some of the things Filipinos should stop saying during reunions
- When do you plan to have children?
- You should have another baby already or else your daughter will end up spoiled!
- Oh, your baby isn’t talking yet? My niece can say, “Mama!” already.
- Why don’t you be more like your cousin? He’s a doctor/lawyer/engineer now!
- You’re not getting any younger. Why are you still single?
- How much is your salary?
- I heard you’re making a lot of money at your new company. Can I borrow some?
- When are you getting married?
- You gained weight!
- Why did you choose that course? That’s not in demand!
Questions or statements like these can make gatherings uncomfortable. They’re thoughtless, inappropriate, and more often than not, irritating. Even if you do mean well, you never know what the person is going through and you might end up offending or hurting them. For example—asking a married couple when they plan to have children might seem harmless. But what you may not know is that they’ve been trying to conceive for a year already or that they actually had a miscarriage.
On the other hand, older relatives who compare children to one another are likely to create competition, resentment, and self-doubt at a young age. Meanwhile, those who are still single are perhaps focusing on themselves and their careers at the moment—which is actually empowering!
The holidays can be hard on young parents, too.
Young parents who show up at big family reunions tend to dread all the unsolicited advice from their Titos, Titas, and older cousins. If you’re one of these young parents, this is our reminder that you know your child better than anyone else. There’s no better mom or dad on the planet for your child than you—so walk confidently and don’t let the opinions of others rattle you.
Being more sensitive to others will go a long way. Doing so can also help break toxic patterns in Filipino families and create safer spaces for the next generation of children.
Find more stories on Modern Parenting:
How Utang na Loob Made Filipino Families Toxic
Gaslighting: What It is and How Parents Can Avoid It
Parents Might Be Understanding Tough Love the Wrong Way
