Kids

How Parents Can Develop Higher EQ and IQ In Kids

by Kevyn Gohu
October 12, 2023

As kids are slowly venturing into the world, here are ways to help them develop higher EQ and IQ.

“EQ” and “IQ” are common terms we hear from teachers, child-health practitioners, and sometimes fellow parents when talking about developing kids. While we know that EQ and IQ mean “Emotional Quotient” and “Intelligence Quotient” respectively, it’s not as simple as being able to handle hardship or to answer a battery of tests provided by the school. When American psychologists first created these concepts, it was because they wanted to find a way to use psychology to move past the analyzing of experiences and instead, develop a way to further understand human capacity.

How Parents Can Develop Higher EQ and IQ In Kids

Where did EQ and IQ even come from?

Although the original term “Intelligence Quotient” or “IQ” came from German psychologist William Stern, the popularity came from two people: Standford Binet — the inventor of the first world IQ test, and perhaps, Howard Gardner, who advocated that people embodied different forms of intelligence via his Multiple Intelligence Theory. Americans, back in the day when Psychology spread throughout their country, wanted something more useful because they were developing their military and educational systems. Thus, they used psychology to further understand people’s capabilities.

On the other hand, Europeans continued to deeply understand the human experience. Americans wanted to see what humans could do while Europeans delved into what people perceived. Thus, when an article in a 1989 issue of the British MENSA (an organization for people with high IQ scores) written by Keith Beasley revealed the term “EQ,” psychology researchers Peter Salovoy and John D. Mayer developed a framework for Emotional Quotient, describing it in their journal as “a form of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and other’s feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and action”.

Where does the Philippines stand on this?

Until today, the Philippines places a premium on Intelligence Quotient and Emotional Quotient. However, in the past, it was the Intelligence Quotient (IQ) that parents often invested in. From high-quality education, books, educational toys, and even investing in personal and private tutors, all these were in hopes their children would rate high in schools because back in the day, that decided their success in the future.

However, recent global incidents like the COVID-19 pandemic, the rise of suicide incidents, and the debut of mental health have revealed that emotional quotient also plays a big part. Schools now have been trying to transition to something more “critical thinking” while appealing to various competencies required and set by the Department of Education and Commission of Higher Education.

How can parents raise the IQ and EQ of their children?

Humans have limitless potential but, it’s their affinity and also environment that can limit it. But a child’s lack of affinity does not mean they’re “slow” or won’t be successful; they just have a different calling or respond to concepts differently. But that’s why modern parenting calls for a more interdisciplinary approach; we deconstruct or take apart the various Life occurrences to make learning more experiential and applied.

Here are some ways parents can develop the IQ and EQ of their kids.

1. Talk to them

It doesn’t matter about what. Even if it’s discussing their favorite video game that we absolutely have no idea about, talking to your kids does wonders for their psychosocial development. As parents, we are their windows to the outside world. Especially when we’re homeschooling them, we take on the role of exposing them to other people. Except this time, we have more control and filter about the kind of people we want them to meet.

2. Give them age-appropriate multi-step problems

We rarely notice this as adults but, problems are never solved in one step or with one skill. It comes naturally to us to consider various perspectives whereas children are still developing that skill. Most especially when they’re still toddlers, they’re still trying to understand things they cannot perceive with the five senses.

3. Challenge your own comfort zone

Here, we apply the concept of social learning, wherein a “less learned individual (the child) learns via copying the master (us as the parent).” When our children see that we are challenging our own comfort zones, they too will see it is possible to triumph through their own difficulties. They will also learn that they are more than their flaws especially when we as parents celebrate our flaws and transform them into advantages. Things such as doing chores we’ve never done before and using YouTube to learn how to do it are ways they can learn how to beat back adversity.

4. Apologize for your mistakes and show you can learn from them

Stunted emotional quotients often come from our inability to accept our flaws and instead, react defensively towards the call out. Unfortunately, as a reaction, it’s difficult to stop it once it gets rolling. However, consider processing the feelings after the mistakes are committed. We are aware of what’s past is past but processing them also transforms those raw, negative feelings into a productive feeling to teach. Doing this also shows children that there’s no disaster when one masters the art of losing.

Developing a higher EQ and IQ in our kids doesn’t always happen the same way.

Although there are various products, food, and research that support the growth of EQ and IQ, it doesn’t always manifest the same way in a child. Some children’s EQ and IQ ratings can be because of our own genetic makeup. But their genes are not the reason for their limitation; by exposing them to various things — both stressful and not — and supporting them as they do so, children can definitely exceed expectations.