Real Talk

Amanda Griffin Jacobs Shares a Parenting Truth About Our Own Dreams

by Kevyn Gohu
January 20, 2024

During one of her daughter’s recitals, Amanda Griffin Jacobs shares the truth in watching her little girl, Lila, grow.

We all have dreams, even as parents. But some of them end up – as Amanda Griffin Jacobs candidly puts it – “thwarted and unactualized,” which sometimes makes us try to vicariously achieve them through our children. The model, mompreneur, and wellness advocate shares an insight she had when she watched her daughter, Lila, perform on stage.

“As a mum, it’s often difficult to not project them [her dreams]. Lila is her own person, with her own dreams, hopes, and goals,” Amanda writes in her Instagram post. “She exceeds her own expectations every single time – a passionate perfectionist and disciplined hard worker!”

Parenting Truth: Children are always full of surprises!

Although we know our children because they share our genetic makeup, there are just so many variables that can make them the same yet different from us. They can share our confidence but be more subdued; they can also be the “not most outgoing or outspoken person” unless in a specific situation.

And for Amanda’s daughter, Lila, her personality wasn’t the only one that transformed when she took the stage. Even Amanda’s nervousness quickly transformed into pride and joy.

“Her very first acting role…as usual I was a bucket of nerves until she came onstage and then in tears of amazement as she transformed in front of our eyes,” Amanda recounts. “Something happens when she gets in front of an audience. The metamorphosis of confidence and character always astounds me.”

But Amanda’s sentiments regarding Lila’s free-spiritedness are relatable. There are days, like Amanda, that we envy our children’s ability to chase whatever they put their mind to. “She is what I wished I could be when I was younger (and that’s quite poetic for me as her mother).”

However, it’s not the kids’ responsibility to fulfill their parents’ dreams.

We’ll always have regrets for our unfulfilled dreams as parents. A part of us will always ask “what-ifs;” and if we give in, we try to guide and influence our children to follow that path. But to recognize that we’re parenting in that particular way to satisfy our curiosity requires us to sit down and process our frustrations. After all, our children are not our second chances at life.

And to remind herself, Amanda summarizes those feelings with a quote from Lebanese-American writer and poet Kahlil Gibran:

“Your children are not your children.
They are sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet, they belong not to you.”
On Children, by Kahlil Gibran

We may have given birth to our children but they are personalities separate from us. They are their own person and our thwarted dreams are not their obligation to fulfill. However, it is our moral obligation, as parents, to make sure their dreams become a reality.