“Dapat Ganito!” Why Choice Overload Affects Filipino Families More Than We Think

Because we know too much, we also now face a new kind of anxiety: choice overload

“Dapat ganito siya!” — how many times have we heard that statement from the older generation? We often condemned it as it was a very “my way or the highway thinking.” But the truth is, in a world where there are now too many choices, we might have to resort to that thinking again.

Because today, most anxiety comes in the form of “choice overload.”

Psychologists describe it as a growing form of anxiety where having too many options actually makes decision-making harder. Instead of feeling empowered, people feel stuck, second-guessing every choice and worrying about whether they messed up or not.

It’s a lot worse now, especially when technological advancements have made almost every choice possible.

What Is Choice Overload?

Choice overload happens when the number of options becomes so large that making a decision feels overwhelming instead of empowering.

Researchers say this experience is closely related to other terms you might have heard before:

• Analysis paralysis
• Decision paralysis

In all three cases, the brain struggles to process too many possibilities. Instead of making a choice, people delay, overthink, or avoid deciding altogether.

For children, the feeling can show up in everyday moments:
choosing extracurricular activities, picking a college path, selecting hobbies, or even deciding what to watch online.

For parents, it can appear in a more complicated form: deciding on schools, parenting styles, learning methods, screen limits, or even which advice to follow.

In short, more options don’t always make life easier. Sometimes, they simply make the pressure heavier.

Why Choice Overload Is Becoming More Common

Choice overload isn’t exactly new. We’ve already had that problem; it’s just that—they were often limited to restaurant choices and what we wanted for food.

Back in the day, we didn’t have a whole smorgasbord of choices. Schools were limited, career paths were more predictable, and parenting advice came from relatives, teachers, or community elders. So, people insisted on progress. Better technology. More books. Discoveries of lives beyond.

While it made us smarter, it also gave us a whole lot more possibilities to consider.

There are hundreds of parenting books, thousands of online opinions, endless educational programs, and social media feeds filled with curated versions of other families’ lives.

Kids feel it too. A child might grow up hearing that they can be anything they want—which sounds empowering until they realize how many possibilities that actually means.

Why People Become Afraid to Make Decisions

At its core, choice overload is tied to one powerful emotion: regret.

When options multiply, the stakes feel bigger. People begin imagining the alternative paths they did not choose.

Parents might wonder:

• “What if I picked the wrong school?”
• “Should my child be learning coding instead of music?”
• “Am I being a good parent?”

Kids feel that too. And with many studies revealing parenting as the core of many issues, it can be a lot for a parent to process and accept that every parenting moment they have can possibly change the world. Or at least, their children’s world.

So, we end up hesitating, overthinking, or even avoiding. It’s why a lot of us sigh and look back on the good “old times” when things were simpler.

Choice Overload in Filipino Culture

For Filipino families, the experience of choice overload carries another unique layer: pakikipagkapwa.

In many Western cultures, decisions are framed as individual choices. But in the Philippines, identity is often deeply tied to family and community. Decisions about school, careers, relationships, and even parenting rarely affect just one person.

They affect everyone.

A parent choosing a school might think about grandparents’ expectations. A teenager choosing a college course might consider family sacrifices. Even small parenting choices—screen time rules, discipline styles, extracurricular activities—can become topics of extended family conversation.

While the communal mindset has usually been rooted in love, responsibility, and generosity in “sharing the load,” it can also intensify the pressure.

The Filipino value of hiya—a sense of social awareness and concern for others’ judgment—can amplify decision anxiety when every choice feels visible online. Parenting decisions are no longer private; they are often discussed, compared, and sometimes criticized in public spaces.

When everyone is connected digitally, the fear of disappointing others becomes louder.

Helping Kids Navigate a World of Too Many Choices

We’ve forgotten the merit of making “bad” decisions. Consequences, after our processing, leave us with life lessons that allow us to grow. But it’s also understandable why we want to protect our kids from these “bad” decisions—social media can make these mistakes irreparable.

So, what can we do? We can teach our kids instead to just make a decision they’ll most likely regret the least.

That might mean:

• Offering limited options instead of endless ones
• Teaching children that mistakes are part of learning
• Showing them how to handle people who will not be happy with their decisions
• Reminding kids that a single decision rarely defines their entire future
• Teaching them how to stand their ground on a decision

As the world overflows with options, kids will have to learn and to accept that not every decision they’ll make will be the right one.

More about anxiety in Filipinos?

Anxiety Attack: What It Looks and Feels Like
7 Ways Partners Can Support Moms with Postpartum Depression and Anxiety
How To Deal With Separation Anxiety In Kids And As Parents