Decision Fatigue: Something Parents Face Everyday
Ever get tired of doing just anything, accused of being indecisive? That is what we call Decision Fatigue!
Decision Fatigue may not look obvious but it does happen. As parents, we’re always making a lot of decisions. Because we make so many, sometimes, we forget how much energy it takes to think about these choices. Especially when they become part of a routine, we believe that we’re not thinking about it. However, we still are — it’s just that we don’t spend a lot of time debating with ourselves over it since we already have prior knowledge of the decision we’re about to make worked or not.
But when something new or unexpected happens, we suddenly lose all that energy to decide. Our minds are confused; we can’t even figure out what to eat!
How decision-making takes a lot of energy
Ever wonder why we sometimes end up so tired after a long day even if we were just at home? Besides the physical aspect of maintaining our homes, we also make decisions not just for ourselves but for our kids and maybe, our partners too. We think about where to get food, what place needs to be cleaned, and whether the kids have something for the day. We often organize these thoughts in our heads so constantly that we’re not conscious enough to realize that we do it.
However, that process is also what leads to what many recognize as a “mental load.” It usually sounds like this:
“Get dressed. We’re going out for dinner.”
“Go take a bath.”
“We have to go to the grocery.”
While these are simple statements, the burden of the decision still falls on us. We end up making an enemy out of Time and schedules in hopes of accomplishing everything on our to-do list. And when things don’t pan out, we flip out, suffer anxiety, thinking, “Oh no! What about the other things on the list?” But of course, we can’t throw a tantrum at Time. It doesn’t care.
Instead, we throw it at our families.
“I don’t want to think right now!”
If you’ve ever heard yourself screaming this in your mind but unable to say it out loud then, that’s a sign of decision fatigue. We want to tell people we’re not in the mood to think but we don’t know how or when to say it. The act of choosing the time, place, and way of telling people that we’re not in the mood to think either is a decision also — one that we’re just too exhausted to make.
Because of this, we find ourselves complaining about our partners or our family members to others — how they seem to not care or just do whatever without trying to help out. However, we have to ask ourselves also: did we allow them to contribute to the schedule? Or, did we just shut down their ideas in the name of security and familiarity?
We don’t notice it but we do shut down a lot of ideas. To juggle both the home and our personal needs, we refuse to let anyone touch our schedule. Silently, we take on the burden of making the decisions for the whole family and will lash out if anyone behaves differently. Sometimes, we even forget that their deviation from the plan was because we never told them what the plan was!
What can cause decision fatigue?
Although decisions may appear small, it’s when they start piling up that makes them feel heavier and demanding of energy. But that’s assuming everything’s held constant — no crazy natural calamities are happening out of nowhere.
However, things like the death of a loved one, a change in career, moving into a new home, and even medical diagnoses can drain us of energy. These changes are rather big and usually affect the rest of the decisions we have supposedly made in a day. Some even take more effort and focus and when it disrupts what we’re used to, it’s difficult to muster up the energy to meet the demands.
How we can mitigate and lessen decision fatigue
Lessening decision fatigue is a plan with two moving parts: ourselves and our partners. The first half comes from us — we need to let go of making some decisions and entrusting it to our partners. Nitpicking how it’s executed only demands more energy. We’ll need to be more results-based — so long as what we need gets done then, it shouldn’t be a problem. It’s only when things mess up then, we can look at the process.
For our partners, we know you’re scared to make decisions because of how we lash out when it sounds otherwise. But even if we do, do so anyway. Sometimes, we lash out because we’re too tired to make the decision. Your telling us can feel like you’re waiting for us to “approve” or decide whether or not to do it. Just tell us that you’re going to do it and we’ll be okay.
And for the many times we lashed out due to decision fatigue, to our dear family and friends, we’re sorry. Deciding and thinking can be tiring.
More about frustrating moments in parenting?
Coregulation: A Successful Parenting Strategy That Helps Tame Toddler Tantrums
8 Tips to Fight Mom Brain and Get Your Sharpness Back
Moms’ Mental Load: “Because Someone Has To Do It”
