Moms and Dads

How To Handle Your Child’s Failure By Doug Kramer

For Doug Kramer, losing is not easy to accept. All the more it is not easy to remember that it can offer the greatest lessons.

As parents, we always want our children to succeed. When they do, we love posting it on our social media feeds with a “Congratulations!” and a heartfelt message. But Doug Kramer decided to do that differently after he posted a picture of his younger daughter, Scarlett, after scoring a silver in a Taekwondo tournament. In a post on his Instagram, he shares some words of wisdom along with a heartfelt message that we can also apply to our lives as individuals and as parents.

1. “It’s not always a win, it’s not always a highlight.”

When our kids lose, we feel like we did, too. But Doug Kramer has a point; lessons are not always found in wins or in highlights. Sometimes, they can be found in losing. “Always remember, sometimes, a loss can bring the biggest lesson,” he writes in his message to Scarlett.

The same applies to us. We become better parents when we learn from our parents’ and our own parenting mistakes.

2. Always share how proud you are of your kids (even if they lose!).

One of the biggest reasons why kids become extremely allergic to failure is because sometimes, they feel that their failure will make us love them less. It is times when they lose that they all the more need our love and support. To make them remember that their loss does not define them. “Papa and Mama are always proud of you @scarlettkramer! You’re Papa’s Warrior Princess! Your pain is my pain too, baby,” adds Doug to his post.

3. Doug Kramer’s inspiring mindset: Win or Learn.

Doug Kramer offers a more inspiring mindset to tackle things competitively. “Win or Learn! On to the next one!” he writes. This allows children to realize that there is nothing to lose when they don’t get that medal or trophy. Even for us, parents, we don’t become better by winning. And if we don’t win, instead, we are gifted with a valuable lesson that helps us win in the long run.

Creating a winner’s mindset means acknowledging both the cost and the gain.

When we teach our kids about success, we tend to emphasize more on the cost but not enough of the gain. However, there are some costs that might be inevitable. There will always be a form of exchange, in both winning and losing. Besides, the most important part is to never stop trying. Doug phrases it well, “A wise man once said, ‘A winner is a dreamer who never gives up.'”

More about parenting and dealing with failure:

Atichyphobia: Are We Setting Up Our Kids for Failure?
Dear Parents, Please Allow Yourselves To Grieve
An Expert Shares 5 Ways To Strengthen One’s Resilience During the Pandemic

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