Moms and Dads

Dr. Lia Bernardo: Raising a Child in Self-Love

by Nathelle Lumabad
January 5, 2023

“Happiness doctor” Dr. Lia Bernardo says the only way for a child to truly practice self-love is when mom and dad choose to love themselves first.

This story about Dr. Lia Bernardo first came out in Modern Parenting’s 2022 print edition.

Doctor Lia Bernardo, founder of the Atma Prema Wellbeing Group and known as the Happiness Doctor, has made it her personal mission to educate people on what self-love truly is. She explains to Modern Parenting that self-love isn’t something you go into, nor a decision you make or a destination you’re headed. It’s more than the things you do during the self-care time you allot for yourself every week.

Dr. Lia Bernardo: Self-love is a process

Self-love is a process that you do for yourself. So you can have a life that you’ve always wanted. It’s something you create within yourself, so that you can have a self-supporting life where you respect, honor, and accept yourself. After all, “You are the measure of your own success and the source of your happiness,” as Dr. Lia says in the The Self-Love Solution Primer. This is part of one of the programs being offered at Atma Prema.

This is crucial. Especially for parents who want their own children to grow up in an environment that encourages self-love as they learn through example. There’s no other way to parent and try to ‘teach’ them about self-love than doing the inner work themselves first. It all starts with you, the parent, and there needs to be congruence between your words and actions.

Accepting and loving who you truly are

That’s why for Dr. Lia, it’s important that moms, dads, and other people who co-parent the child begin accepting and loving who they truly are. There needs to be a change in the story that you tell yourself as an adult and the belief that you subscribe to. Because these are the things that will be passed on to your children.

“Guilt and shame is the antithesis of self-love,” shares Dr. Lia. “It’s time for parents to be accountable and realize that you have the capacity to create solutions. Instead of blaming everything on external factors.” She also encourages adults to get over the baloney they tell themselves. Because you wouldn’t want negativity, self-doubt, and things of that nature to be what your kid carries with them as they grow older.

Children, ideally, should then be a huge incentive and drive for the adults in their lives to love themselves first. When you rewrite your own story and encourage this more positive and loving

Self-talk and a dramatic and transformative change can happen. One that can transform the lives of your kids and the generations to come.

Make your home a safe space

So, what does this look like at home? An environment filled with self-love is one that creates a safe space for the young ones to believe in themselves. Enough to go after the things that they desire. Raising a child in self-love means raising them in safety and security. With self-love, they become equipped with resources to face the world and will be confident enough to face challenges. Even if they’re bound to fall.

When kids know that they are in a place where they are supported, then they can stand up and charge forward with life even if it hits them with a curveball. “You can’t lift your child out of the gutter. The gutter’s always going to be there. It’s part of the human journey.”

It’s the parent’s responsibility to raise a resilient child that’s ready to go through life and thrive. Dr. Lia believes that people should get rid of the notion that life is full of suffering and sacrifice, calling it “the biggest lie that everyone has been programmed to believe.” This helps stop the victim narrative that tends to recur across generations.

And contrary to what many prescribe, Dr. Lia actually encourages technology when it comes
to self-love. Developments such as health and well-being apps can further aid people in seeking self-love. With the presence of technology already undeniable, what you do with these tools then becomes your own self-awareness.

Showing vulnerability and authenticity

According to Dr. Lia, parenting with self-love also means showing vulnerability and authenticity as the norm in the household. Communication is a two-way street. And discussions should be encouraged not just from the adults but from the kids as well. The space that’s created becomes one that’s filled with self-nurturing, self-acceptance, and self-sovereignty. These are traits that will definitely come in handy when their sons and daughters grow up.

“You will always treat people, including your own children, the way you treat yourself.” Dr. Lia advises moms and dads out there to practice treating yourself with a lot of love, compassion, and kindness. So they won’t end up hurting and damaging the people who love them the most.