Parenting With Lolas: Navigating Different Parenting Styles at Home

When lolas become the second mom at home, there can be a lot of friction in terms of parenting styles

In many Filipino households, parenting is rarely a one-generation job. Between busy work schedules, long commutes, and rising childcare costs, many parents rely on the most trusted support system they have: lola.

Grandmothers often become the family’s backbone—picking up children from school, preparing merienda, and stepping in when parents need help. But along with that help sometimes comes a familiar challenge: different parenting styles.

If you’ve ever heard “Noong panahon namin…” during a discussion about screen timeScreen TimeThe hours a child spends on phones, tablets, TV, and games. Pediatric groups advise little to no screen use for toddlers and limited, high-quality content for older kids, with family, disciplineDisciplineTeaching a child self-control and acceptable behavior through guidance rather than fear. Effective discipline is consistent and calm, explains the reason for a rule, and uses consequences that fit the, or snacks, you’re not alone. Parenting with grandparents can bring both comfort and conflict. Understanding where those differences come from can make it easier to navigate them with patience and respect.

Why Parenting Styles Differ Between Generations

The biggest reason parenting approaches differ between lolas and today’s parents is simple: they grew up in very different worlds.

Many Filipino grandparents lived through major historical events that shaped how they view family, disciplineDisciplineTeaching a child self-control and acceptable behavior through guidance rather than fear. Effective discipline is consistent and calm, explains the reason for a rule, and uses consequences that fit the, and survival. Experiences like World War II, the Martial Law in the Philippines, and the EDSA People Power Revolution influenced how families raised children.

For many in that generation, life demanded resilienceResilienceThe ability to bounce back from setbacks, disappointment, and stress. Children build it through supportive relationships, chances to solve problems, and adults who show that mistakes are part of learning and strict disciplineDisciplineTeaching a child self-control and acceptable behavior through guidance rather than fear. Effective discipline is consistent and calm, explains the reason for a rule, and uses consequences that fit the. Resources were limited, safety wasn’t always guaranteed, and obedience was often seen as essential for survival. There was no time for complaints.

That history shaped a parenting mindset focused on respect for authority, practicality, and toughness.

Today’s parents, on the other hand, are raising children in a world where research on child developmentChild DevelopmentThe steady growth of a child's physical, language, thinking, and social skills from birth through adolescence. Each child moves at a personal pace, so regular checkups and play-based activities help, emotional intelligenceEmotional IntelligenceThe ability to recognize, understand, and manage feelings in oneself and others. Parents build it by naming emotions, modeling calm responses, and helping children find words for anger, sadness, and, and mental healthMental HealthA person's emotional, psychological, and social well-being, which affects how children and parents think, feel, and cope. Open conversations, regular routines, and timely help from professionals make it easier for is widely accessible. Parenting advice now comes from psychologists, pediatricians, and online communities.

Instead of simply teaching children to obey, many modern parents are trying to teach emotional awareness, independenceIndependenceA child's growing ability to do things alone, from dressing and eating to making choices and solving problems. Parents encourage it by assigning age-appropriate tasks, allowing safe mistakes, and praising, and communication.

Neither perspective is wrong—they are simply shaped by different experiences.

The Technology Gap in Parenting

If history created one gap, technology widened it even more.

Grandparents grew up in a world without smartphones, tablets, or social media. Today’s parents are figuring out how to solve the problems innovations have caused. Social media became an avenue for cyberbullyingCyberbullyingHarassment carried out through phones, social media, games, or messaging apps. Because it can follow a child home, parents should keep communication open, save screenshots as evidence, report the accounts,. Screens killed language proficiency. And unfortunately, lola doesn’t have a one-stop solution for that.

For many lolas, letting a child watch cartoons on a tablet may simply look like harmless entertainment. For parents who read about screen-time research and digital addiction, it can feel like something that needs limits. This difference isn’t about being careless or overly strict. It’s about the reality that technology evolved faster than any generation could fully prepare for.

Discipline Then and Now

Another common source of tension is disciplineDisciplineTeaching a child self-control and acceptable behavior through guidance rather than fear. Effective discipline is consistent and calm, explains the reason for a rule, and uses consequences that fit the.

Older generations often grew up with stricter forms of disciplineDisciplineTeaching a child self-control and acceptable behavior through guidance rather than fear. Effective discipline is consistent and calm, explains the reason for a rule, and uses consequences that fit the. Many were taught that correction—sometimes even physical punishment—was necessary to teach respect.

Younger parents today are more likely to explore approaches like gentle parentingGentle ParentingAn approach built on empathy, respect, understanding, and firm boundaries. Instead of punishment, parents acknowledge feelings, set clear limits, and guide behavior with calm explanations, aiming for cooperation rather than, emotional coaching, or positive disciplinePositive DisciplineA method of guiding behavior by teaching skills rather than punishing mistakes. Parents set clear rules, offer choices, praise effort, and use logical consequences, helping children learn responsibility while feeling.

For lolas, these newer styles can sometimes seem too soft. For modern parents, traditional methods can seem barbaric, especially when they themselves are self-aware about the damage.

But beneath the disagreement is usually the same goal: raising good, responsible children.

Why Grandparents Still Matter So Much

Despite the differences, Filipino families have something incredibly special: multi-generational parenting.

Grandparents offer children something that parenting books can’t always provide—stories, patience, cultural memory, and unconditional affection.

They pass down family traditions, teach children how to pray, cook favorite dishes, or understand family history. In many cases, lolas also provide emotional security that children carry for the rest of their lives.

Research consistently shows that children who have strong relationships with grandparents often develop stronger identity, resilienceResilienceThe ability to bounce back from setbacks, disappointment, and stress. Children build it through supportive relationships, chances to solve problems, and adults who show that mistakes are part of learning, and emotional support networks.

How Parents and Lolas Can Work Together

Navigating different parenting styles doesn’t mean choosing one generation over the other. Instead, it often means finding ways to blend wisdom and new knowledge.

Here are a few ways Filipino families can make it work:

Start with appreciation

Before discussing differences, acknowledge the help grandparents provide. Caring for grandchildren is a big responsibility.

Explain the “why”

When introducing new parenting approaches, share the research or reasoning behind them rather than simply saying something is wrong.

Pick your battles

Not every difference needs to become a family debate. Sometimes flexibility keeps the peace.

Create shared rules

Agree on a few consistent boundaries—such as bedtime routines or screen limits—that everyone follows.

Celebrate generational strengths

Lolas often excel at patience, storytelling, and family traditions. Let them shine in those areas.

Parenting Across Generations

At the end of the day, parenting with grandparents is not about proving who is right.

It’s about recognizing that every generation raised children with the tools they had at the time.

Lolas raised families through history’s challenges. Today’s parents are raising children in an age of rapid change and information overload. While there will be some contradictions, both perspectives bring something valuable to the table.

But that’s what made Filipino children so resilient. Instead of growing up in one time period, they’ve lived through two. By being around parents and grandparents, they receive the best of both worlds: modern understanding and timeless love.

More about grandparents?

This is Why We Love Grandparents
5 Common Aches Our Grandparents Need Relief From
How To Care For A Family Member with Dementia