Real Talk

Is My Kid Behind? Learning Gaps Can Be Managed

by Kevyn Gohu
June 20, 2025

Every parent fears their kids being “behind” in school. But learning gaps can be addressed with the proper help!

Besides bullying, every parent is afraid that their kids are behind in their academics. With requirements being a lot stricter now and the learning curve that comes with transferring from homeschool to traditional F2F, it’ll always feel like our kids have a higher risk of having learning gaps. But they won’t be behind forever! It just takes a little bit of help and a few tweaks here and there to help them cope and learn new strategies to process the information.

Multiple Intelligence Theory: Why Some Kids May Seem “Behind”

Traditionally, we grew up in a classroom setting where we all sat down and listened to a teacher lecture for an x number of minutes. Sure, the kids hear what the teacher’s saying, but processing and understanding the information is a different story. However, it’s summed up through the Theory of Multiple Intelligences. Proposed by Howard Gardner, the theory explains that humans process information differently depending on which intelligences they are more accustomed to using.

So, when kids are behind or have learning gaps, it’s not because they willfully refuse to understand it or “don’t get it.” It’s because the information just has to be presented differently. And in the case of real life, that will always be the case. No two scenarios with the same lesson will ever be exactly the same!

Learning Disabilities are a thing, too!

In a place where social graces are a big thing, learning disabilities may not be noticed as much. However, it is the usual cause of frustration for both parents and kids. For us parents, we can’t see or understand how our children are processing the information. Our kids, on the other hand, can’t explain why the information isn’t making sense. The expression, “The math ain’t mathing” is what we often hear from our kids who struggle with numbers. Or for us, we’d end up exclaiming like Mr. Incredible in Incredibles 2, “Math is math!”

Unfortunately, that’s the problem with catching learning disabilities: they only present themselves in certain situations, and it takes a more trained eye to diagnose. However, some are easier to catch than others. Language delay is one of the more obvious ones because we wonder why our children aren’t talking like other kids. Reading delay is the next one because we notice their avoidance of books. But, math delay — also known as dyscalculia — is rarely diagnosed. We only find out much, much later after our kids develop an aversion to math.

What does it mean to be truly “behind”?

Unfortunately, our understanding of a kid being “behind” comes from our strict adherence to the developmental milestones. Many of us can sometimes feel that those developmental milestones are a metric of how good we are as parents. However, that’s not the case. Even developmental psychologists argue that these milestones are not an exact mechanic. It’s why there’s always an age range; not a single age.

We also have the environment to consider. Some kids may learn things faster simply because they’re more exposed to them. A kid may learn how to cook more if their parents run a restaurant or cook at home. Another kid may pick up banking and math because their parents are bankers. There are a lot of external factors!

However, we can still ask ourselves some questions to make sure we’re not overlooking anything:

Is my child making progress?
Do they feel safe and supported at home and in school?
Are they curious, resilient, and emotionally well?

The truth is, the only thing that makes a kid truly fall behind is the shame and guilt from being told they are.

How Can Parents Close Those Learning Gaps

However, we also know the cold, hard truth that the world is not as forgiving. The thought can feel like an ultimatum: either learn this skill or get left behind. So, it’s good to intervene also. Not by forcing them to learn the skill, but rather to help them build a mindset that allows them to learn it amid all the frustrations.

Some things we can do include:

Praising them for telling you exactly what the problem is. Honestly, this is a skill that even some adults struggle with. But when we know exactly what the problem is, we already win 50% of the battle.
Don’t make perfection the minimum. Yes, we want them to achieve excellence, but even Rome wasn’t built in a day! Even the kids who are earning As from their teachers have failed every so often. They just keep it to themselves.
Embrace the word “yet.” Things are always still possible so long as we live. Learning is a lifelong task.
Find beauty in simplicity. One of the biggest reasons why kids struggle is that the expectations are so high that they try to make things complex. Instead, find joy in even a black and white drawing or a tiny house built with blocks. When we show that we’re proud of that, they’ll choose for themselves to become better.

Learning gaps are nobody’s fault!

Even though we know everyone has their own way of learning, a little offhanded remark, “He/She’s a little behind,” can set off an avalanche of guilt, blame, and shame. However, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do everything we can to make sure our kids have the best learning opportunities. Tradition is no indicator of intelligence; it’s just a guideline. As many schools and educators start moving towards a more student-centric learning, never forget that learning gaps are never permanent. And most especially, they are not your fault.