To The Non-Breastfeeding Moms, You’re Still A Good Mom
While breastfeeding can be a wonderful time for mom and baby, it can also be the source of guilt and shame for those who struggle with it
Finding out that you’re not able to breastfeed can be heartbreaking and soul-crushing. Even after trying everything, from calming down, new latching techniques, lactation supplements, and switching up diets, it just doesn’t happen. The grief and shame can feel like a gut punch, especially after reading all the scientific journals that report the benefits of breastfeeding.
But we promise you: you are no less a mother if you don’t and can’t.
Motherhood’s first chapter rarely starts smoothly
Your body’s still adjusting, and that’s okay! Those who manage to instantly either got lucky in the genetic lottery or found the right kind of help they needed.
No two breastfeeding journeys are the same. One journey can be so textbook that the anxiety is barely felt. The other one can completely throw the book out, and that doesn’t make it any less of a valid journey. While it’s okay to aspire for exclusive breastfeeding, expectations rarely match reality.
There are just so many things that can affect a mother’s ability to produce breastmilk that we can’t really just say, “This is the problem. Let’s fix it.”
Breastfeeding is not the complete definition of motherhood
While yes—breastfeeding is usually the first thing a mom figures out, it’s not what makes a woman a mother. Motherhood over the years has been defined, not just by the feats we’ve achieved for our kids, but by the love, care, and devotion we pour into every day.
That love, care, and devotion are the energy we need to figure out how to feed our baby. Whether it’s through consulting a pediatrician for the recommended formula, combi-feeding, or even acquiring breastmilk via donation or a breastmilk bank, there are so many ways to ensure our baby’s fed.
Your baby loves you all the same
It hurts. Hearing our babies cry, and we can’t give them milk. But the truth is—babies will cry no matter what happens. It’s the only way they can communicate. Unfortunately, the hormones, the readjustment of our bodies, and even just the lack of time to accept that there’s now a tiny human who will use us as a buffet table for only God knows how long can make that crying unbearable.
But know that babies cry because that’s how much they love you. The moment they were born, they loved you with everything they’ve got in that tiny body of theirs. Besides, they’re not picky about what they eat; so long as mom feeds them, they’re happy.
We want you to know: you’re a good mother
Take a deep breath, mama. Motherhood isn’t defined by the milk you give—it’s defined by the love you pour into every single day. Your baby feels your heartbeat, your warmth, your gentle touch, and the countless ways you care for them. Every cuddle, every whispered word, every comforting presence is more than enough.
Even on the days when you feel inadequate, know this: your baby doesn’t measure your love by the bottle or the breast. They see you. They feel you. They love you—completely, endlessly, just as you are.
You are a good mother. You always have been. And you always will be.
More breastfeeding stories?
Joanna Franken: Pump and Pour
Ria Atayde-Marudo: The Beautiful Mess of Motherhood
Marlann Flores On Breastfeeding: “It’s Complicated.”
