Dear Angry Mama, You’re Not A Bad Mom.

Our anger doesn’t make us a bad mom. It is a sign however that we’re overwhelmed.

Dear moms, we seem to be chronically angry.

With us usually playing “the bad cop” in terms of discipline, managing the house, and sometimes managing “dad” too, we end up exploding! But with a little voice constantly reminding us that we’re the “only ones” maintaining the balance that one little slip-up will cause the universe to implode, we do our earnest to avert that impending doom.

However, for one person, that’s quite a lot to do!

“You’re a bad mom.”

“You’re a bad mother” — how many times have we heard that taunt in our heads?

Whenever the food tastes bad, our kids are bawling about something, or when the bills start pouring, the goading becomes louder. Accompanied by everyone in the house angrily yelling “Mom!”, we can barely hear our thoughts. Sometimes, we even mistake the goading from someone else when in reality — it comes from us: it’s our Inner Voice.

While it does charm us into finishing that whole chocolate bar, guzzling a whole bottle of sangria, and many other things, it’s also capable of belittling us. Especially if we grew up in a house that had a tough crowd and left our bad memories unprocessed, we’re conditioned to immediately address the problem (even if there’s none!) because the voice gets loud.

So we get angry because, let’s be honest: it’s irritating!

Once the voice gets too intrusive for us to do our daily tasks, we get angry. We start shouting, slamming things, storming off, and making snappy comments at people — whether or not they’re the reason for our ire. Although being “hangry” has worked as an acceptable excuse, it’s still an excuse — one that sometimes we feel is capable of relieving us of our responsibility to handle our emotions.

Unfortunately, like all reasons and excuses, it [the state of hunger and anger] eventually gets old. We eventually have to face the reality that we lost control. And in that state of loss, we’ve hurt people — most especially our loved ones.

But how can we, the one who manages everything, lose control? We only had one job!

Once the anger dissipates, we’re left to be filled with shame. When we see the panicked and wary looks on our loved one’s faces or even notice their change in speech pattern, a part of us knows it’s because of us. The thing is: it’s hard to accept. After all, what kind of mom hurts her family? What kind of mom blames her family for the world’s refusal to cooperate? For our loss of control?

There’s no shame in accepting that we’re overwhelmed.

We’re also proud as mothers that we seemingly have the superpower to balance everything and achieve things that should not have been humanly possible within the day. So when we face the possibility of one thing not going as it should, we’re irritated. We’re angry that we’re not meeting the standard we set for ourselves as a mom or as a parent.

But dear angry mama, that standard is precisely why we’re being overwhelmed. Our standards can sometimes be too high for the day and that’s why it’s okay to set it down a little. Life isn’t always one where we’re always winners; we’ll have to lose a few battles too. It’s okay if we do — some Olympic champions even say losing rewards more than winning!

More comfort reads?

Dear Ausome Parents, You’re Not Alone: A Doctor’s Perspective When Diagnosing Autism in Kids
Dear Baby, Please Don’t Grow Up Too Fast!
Iñaki and Kit Llamas: A Letter to Our Future Generations