Real Talk

Iñaki and Kit Llamas: A Letter to Our Future Generations

Iñaki and Kit Llamas, the founders and coaches of Conscious Alchemy, pen a letter to their future grandchildren on ending generational traumas.

This story appeared in the Modern Parenting Mother’s Day and Father’s Day May 2024 issue.

Dear Grandchild,

As we write this letter, we are already in our 50s. Our daughter (your mother) already calls us “dinosaurs.” By the time you read this, we really may well have been from the dinosaur era. 

You may not know this, but when your mom was only a toddler, she was such an energizer bunny. One night, when your grandfather was so sleepy, yet she was still so full of energy, he was desperately flipping her around, looking for a miracle that she was installed with an “off” switch.

Back then, we thought the best way to discipline her was to put her on time out, to hopefully stave off her big emotions. We made her face the wall and think about what she had done wrong, and we only allowed her to talk to us when she was ready to apologize.

Fast forward to 2020, the time when the global COVID-19 pandemic struck — when parents and children, young and old, were stuck together as we all felt a tsunami of emotions. Your mom started locking herself in the room. We were all at a loss, asking ourselves, “Why is she not talking to us?”

Only to be rudely awakened by this realization: that’s how we trained her. When you have big emotions, go to a corner and don’t talk to us until you have figured it all out.  

We tried to fix her, unconsciously comparing her to her sister, your aunt. What we didn’t realize was that fixing her was holding her air supply — that she couldn’t breathe freely. Likewise, it made her sister feel guilty and helpless and want to hide in corners.  

So we stopped. We listened to your mom and your aunt. Then we realized that making the most of God’s gift was not just about doing. It was allowing—allowing them to “be,” to recognize being in that moment, to enjoy being at rest and doing nothing, to accept the present and what “is.”

We are grateful for your mom and your aunt–our daughters–as they mirrored the parts of us that still needed to heal and grow so we can be better individuals. Of course, there were many unconscious incidents I wish we could just delete from their memories. Yet those had to happen, so we can write to you today.

It’s important to talk about feelings. Treat your feelings like they’re your truest friend. They’re telling you what you need right now. Allow them to be felt, seen, and heard.

We were conditioned to believe that controlling and correcting was “good.” But all they needed was to connect with us so they may learn to correct themselves.  

The greatest gift we can give you is to grow ourselves up. The most important gift you can give yourself is compassion. When you have a full tank of compassion, it creates an abundant space of empathy within you that you can feel, listen, forgive, create, and celebrate with another human being.

My father, your great-grandfather, shared a story asking a local tribe of Dumagats, “Do you pray before you eat, while you are eating or after you eat?” The Dumagats replied, “We already pray even as we prepare the soil to plant with.”  

Keep a humble heart of gratitude from sunrise to sunset. Do not let success get to your head, and do not let failure get to your heart. Seek help often, kindly, and even when you don’t need,   

so you may encourage others and let others feel you are one. This will teach us the value of receiving as well as giving—of inhaling as well as exhaling.  

Enjoy the ride, my dear grandchild. We always love you. Someday, we will have the opportunity to wrap our arms around you. In the meantime, we shall whisper to you in your moments of silence.

As we write this, we are working on healing our emotional baggage so you don’t have to carry them for us, and you may travel light and lightly in this journey of life.

Much love,

Abuelito and Abuelita

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Iñaki Llamas and Kit Malvar Llamas are the managing partners of Conscious Alchemy. They have trained and coached hundreds of individuals – both youth and adults, to be conscious leaders at work @consciousalchemyleadership, at home @consciousparentingph and the youth @campexplore for the past 24 years.

They’re both executive and parent/family coaches and the licensed partners to deliver the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families. Kit is also the first Philippine-based Conscious Parenting Coach to be certified by Dr. Shefali Tsabary. 

To read the full article, grab a copy of Modern Parenting Mother’s Day and Father’s Day May 2024 issue —available on Download the e-Magazine from Readly or Press Reader for more exclusive features and stories.

More about Real Talk and Trauma?

Sunshine Dizon: Lights, Courage, Closure!
Breaking the Cycle of Generational Trauma and Toxic Patterns
How To Break and Heal from Generational Trauma

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