How To Deal With Clingy Babies: Understanding Object Permanence
Some babies are just extra clingy and it’s all because they don’t have what we know as Object Permanence.
If we cover our chairs with a blanket, we know that the chair is still there. However, babies can’t understand that, even if the blanket takes the shape of the chair it covers! But not to worry, it’s something all babies go through. What they lack is something called “Object Permanence” — the concept of layers doesn’t exist to them. That’s also why they start screaming the moment they don’t see us and we see them as “clingy.” Although, let’s admit: we love that they are, sometimes.
Without Object Permanence, babies believe we died or disappeared the moment we walk out the door and they don’t see us.
What is Object Permanence?
Object Permanence is defined as the “ability for kids to understand that things exist even if they don’t see them.” Coined by psychologist Jean Piaget, the ability is learned during what he calls the Sensorimotor Stage or the stage where kids use their senses (sight, smell, hearing, taste, and touch) to discover the world around them. Usually, kids are around 0-3 years old in this stage.
How do they learn the concept?
As they grow older, they outgrow the premise that their world is the only one that exists. That premise, also known as egocentrism, eventually fades away the more they interact with the world. So letting our baby crawl around safely, bringing them out, and playing with them often helps them learn the concept faster. So there are some benefits to playing Peek-A-Boo with them!
Not all kids learn the concept at the same speed
While children eventually learn the concept, they don’t learn it all at the same time. Some kids are just naturally more anxious (especially if the family has a long history of having an anxious personality) and can’t wrap their heads around something coming and going. It’s why some babies and some kids suffer from separation anxiety far worse than others.
Most of the time, however, exposure is the cure for clinginess. Unwillingness to leave or let go of us is usually due to fear of the unknown which is a pretty common and natural fear. But this isn’t something they can live with forever. We can’t sit in the classroom with them; they’ll have to venture some parts of the world without us.
Start them early by playing games with them and bringing them out
Sure, babies won’t remember all the times we’ve spent with them. But bringing our babies around with us develops their minds more. Their senses are on overdrive and they’re soaking everything around them. The leaves rustling, the horns of the cars honking, the smell of streetfood, and even the dry or humid winds brushing against their face — all these create sensations that teach them, “Hey! This exists!”
And if going out is currently not an option then, start by playing some baby games with them. Interaction with them at a young age goes a lot farther than we realize.
More about babies?
How To Deal With Separation Anxiety In Kids And As Parents
It’s Okay Not to Be Okay: How to Handle Your Fears
Classical Music & Babies: Does It Really Work?
