Little Ways On How We Can Heal Our Inner Child

When we heal our inner child, we become better parents to our kids.

Our childhood traumas don’t have to be stereotypical life-changing events. Sometimes, these traumas are even the smallest things that accumulate over time. Harsh criticisms with no suggestions on how to improve, mean off-handed reactions and remarks, and most of all, invalidation — wherein people dismiss our concerns to supposedly “focus on the problem.” These are just some of the things our inner child remembers.

They may seem small but when we find ourselves in the same situation this time, as adults, we can feel triggered and respond harshly or defensively to another child which continues to the cycle.

But with our busy schedule as parents, how can we make time or what can we do to heal our inner child? Here are some ways

1. Have a comfort meal.

While chefs have a signature recipe, they will also have a comfort meal. It’s nothing fancy and it’s what YouTuber B. Dylan Hollis calls, “a hug in a bowl.” From instant noodles to just peanut butter on bread, these little meals every so often can heal our inner child especially when our parents outright banned it from our homes simply because it was unhealthy.

Of course, we don’t eat it every day but a bowl of our comfort meal can help on a hard day.

2. Do the Butterfly Hug

Especially works for adults who grew up with parents who were not physically expressive with their affection, the Butterfly Hug simulates feeling warm and loved. Close our eyes, hug ourselves, and breathe slowly — let ourselves melt into the hug. Because sometimes, we don’t want a solution. We just want someone to hug us and tell us we’re going to be okay — something that our inner child has been craving for years.

The technique came from Lucina Artigas in 1998 when she was helping survivors during the aftermath of Hurricane Pauline in Acapulco, Mexico.

3. Get back into that one hobby you wanted to get into as a child.

Our childhood hobby is one of the biggest decisions we will make: it’s our way of exercising our ability to choose. However, in a lot of cases, we let go of our hobbies because we had to grow up. Eventually, that excuse extends to our food choices and our daily lives until we don’t know how to choose for ourselves. But now as adults, we have the space and money to get back into it.

It’s a big bonus if our spouses are supportive and the only thing they want, is for us to stay organized and in touch with reality when we get into that hobby. Thirty minutes a day of building our favorite model kits, doing cross-stitching, writing, and reading is quite healthy. It helps us clear our heads too from all the work we’ve been doing.

4. Let go of the idea of getting the ideal closure

We hold onto our traumas because a part of our inner child wants closure from the offending party. The problem is, that it doesn’t usually happen because the offending party, too, has their rationalizations as to why they did it. They were kids, they were angry, they were doing what they believed was best for the situation — all these can feel like excuses. Infuriating ones, at that.

But to heal, we have to let go that our ideal closure may never happen. Things happen and there are other ways to find closure and it usually starts with us accepting that there’s nothing we can do to change the past. We can, however, find ways we can prevent it from happening ever again.

While Justice is blind, she’s not heartless.

5. Forgive yourself with a small, verbal message in the evening: “You did okay.”

We can think about forgiveness but the journey becomes more concrete when we say it to ourselves in front of a mirror. “You did okay. We forgive you” — short as the line may be, it reminds us and our inner child that there are things we did mess up. Referring to ourselves as “we” also reminds us that the many versions of us in the past, present, and future will make mistakes and we deserve the chance to learn from them.

Feel free to switch it up. Some can go with, “I’m proud of you.” Whatever words we want to hear, we can tell ourselves. It may not be from the people we want to hear it from but, it’s liberating to hear it from ourselves.

Healing our inner child isn’t a linear journey

Being attuned to our inner child, let alone healing it, isn’t something we can do off the bat. It takes time, space, and silence. Usually, the reason we don’t is because some of us grew up and were raised to believe that having emotions or having time to do these things makes us “entitled.” So, we’re also fighting a mental battle. Breaking the old lessons that have been long ingrained into us isn’t easy especially if we learned the lesson physically and loudly.

But, now that we’re adults, we have the power to find time to heal our inner child. And as parents, perhaps, our children are just the motivation we need to try and do so.

More about healing our inner child?

A Good Quality for Any Parent is Being Attuned to Their Inner Child
The Road to Conscious Parenting: Transforming ourselves to empower our children
Conscious Parenting: Redefining a Happy Home