Kids

Parenting Teens Sometimes Needs Us To Be Like A House Plant

by Kevyn Gohu
August 11, 2022

Parenting a teenager may sometimes mean backing off a little and being there for them, like a house plant.

As kids grow older, all the more we become anxious about how little time we have left with them. We start trying to spend more time with them, getting more involved. And most of the time, this irritates them more than it should. But when parenting a teen, sometimes, we’ll have to adopt a different kind of parenting called “The Way of The House Plant“.

But a house plant does nothing!

Maybe not actively but it does something passively. When parenting babies and toddlers, we play an active role in shaping their beliefs and teaching them the ways of the world. From walking to learning the names of things, everything we do, we do for them. But the moment they become teens, they change. And to address that change, our parenting strategy has to adjust as well. From active, we need to become passive.

Being passive doesn’t mean we do nothing.

As our teens change and establish their own beliefs and ideas, it’s here that we sometimes have to choose when or when not to challenge them. Doing so not only keeps a happy household but helps teens develop a sense of independence and a deeper understanding of themselves. Just like a house plant, we will watch them and support them. They’ll come to us when they need us.

The 3 S’s of The Way of The House Plant

When adopting the ‘Parenting Way of the House Plant’, remember the 3 S’s: Support, Safety, and Space. Our teens will need our support but in doing so, we need to create a space where they’ll feel safe. It’s a bit of a struggle to do so because of their mood swings. But it pays off in the long run especially in their decision-making during the most critical points of their lives.

The Urge To “Fix” Is Strong

It’s really tempting to want to “fix” our teens and their problems. But our teens are not broken; they’re simply growing and finding themselves. It’s a new adventure where our teen is now the main character and we play the supporting role. Maybe not as the sidekick but rather, as the wise one they’ll need to consult whenever they’re in a rut.