Even With Kids, Parents Should Be Allowed To Have Their Hobbies
Having children shouldn’t mean a parent should sacrifice their hobbies.
It’s not always a conscious choice but parents often sacrifice their hobbies to re-allocate their resources. Diapers, baby formula, toys, their books – these are things we believe our kids need. And as our kids’ list of necessities grows, the things we enjoy slowly disappear – whether to accumulate extra funds or to free up more space. However, this is where the overwhelm starts to creep in. With no safe and personal space to retreat to, we lose our sense of self, become bitter, and we have no idea why.
Our hobbies are often the concrete hallmarks of our growth and achievements
Crocheting, painting, sketching, sports, and even model kit building – all these hobbies prove that we can do something great so long we can choose to. Most of all, we do these hobbies out of love. We genuinely wanted to bring a concept to life and it reminds us just how great our minds and personalities are!
But when the baby comes, it’s hard to resist the urge to give everything to our child. While it’s not wrong to do so, shaming ourselves and others for keeping a bit of love for themselves is. Most would describe the act of doing so as projection – wherein, we impose our unwanted feelings on someone else especially if they’re able to do something we shame ourselves for doing.
Official press release from parents and their hobbies: “We grew out of it.”
Although it’s true that we do grow out of our hobbies the moment we become parents, sometimes, that’s just what we say to hide the truth. Some hobbies become the source of fights between parents; whether it’s because there’s not enough space or it’s eating too much time, hobbies are seen more as leisure and not lucrative, making one partner feel that they’re sacrificing far more than the other.
But what some parents forget is how hobbies help them see the world through their child’s eyes. Doing something we love allows us to walk a mile in our kids’ shoes even just for a bit, because for we remember what it’s like to do something we genuinely love.
Not saying that we don’t genuinely love our kids but, hobbies are where we see our drive to achieve – there’s a high in that’s different from seeing our children grow.
We find joy in a hobby not because of the money but because we love creating.
While it’s fun to make money out of our hobbies, sometimes, the drive to make money can override our love for the process. It’s why most people choose to keep the nature of their professional work and their hobbies different: it’s maintaining a healthy mindset on both sides. One is meant purely for making money to fuel the hobby which makes it easier to accept criticisms and the other is exclusively to spark joy, refueling our drive to perform well in our careers.
While there are many horror stories of how moms, girlfriends, or wives are the ones who destroy a man’s hobby, it can also be vice-versa. Usually, a woman loses her hobbies because she’s too exhausted after managing the house. A man loses his hobbies when a woman “cleans house” to make more space, often criticizing the man and insisting he “grow up.”
But keeping a hobby allows us to stay young and find joy in life, especially when we’re so new to the parenting game and everything feels so overwhelming.
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