When No Means No In Intimate Relationships
No is a powerful word and that includes saying no to having sex with your partner
You’ve probably read or watched the news by now when Senator Robin Padilla made headlines for his comment about men having the urge to have intercourse or sex with their spouses. This statement did not sit well with many women’s groups and even lawyers, who feel that the actor turned politician is not aware of the laws involving it.
Let’s take a look at the issue at hand.
The statement that alarmed many
On August 15 during a Senate hearing on TV networks handling sexual abuse complaints, Robin asked whether a spouse saying no to sex might mean no at all and about wives serving their husbands because of their urge.
This was answered by lawyer Lorna Kapunan, who is known for handling cases involving sexual abuse. Her statement is obvious: ” ‘Yong no means no applies to both genders. Hindi siya puwedeng i-force no’ng asawa.”
And when Robin reasoned it out, the lawyer rebuked him for it, saying it’s not the obligation of the wife to serve the husband.
“If your spouse refuses, whether valid or hindi, respetuhin natin ‘yung decision ng wife or ng husband in that case,” she said.
A little help from the law
Kapunan cited the Family Code of the Philippines revised in 1988, wherein the wife’s obligation of obedience to her husband has been removed, and there must be respect between husband and wife.
Human rights lawyer Chel Diokno made clear what is in the law – Marital rape is rape. He cited a case from the Supreme Court wherein the husband insisted on having sex with his wife and the decision of the Supreme Court is guilty despite them being married.
“Hindi isinusuko ng kababaihan ang kanilang dignidad dahil lang nagpakasal!” he explained. “Ang pagrespeto ng desisyon ng asawa ay simpleng pagkilala na tao rin siya gaya mo.“
So to make it clear again: no means no.
Why this issue matters
In a time when women’s rights are being challenged once again, this issue reminds everyone, especially husbands and wives that respect is an essential component of being together. Intimacy is part of the relationship but respect should be upheld in any relationship.
Intimacy is important between husband and wife. However, there are boundaries and this must be discussed between them. Communication is important so talk to each other even before doing it.
Again a reminder: No means no and respect each other.
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