Real Talk

Why SAHMs (Stay-At-Home Moms) Can Be More Prone to Depression

by Kevyn Gohu
February 13, 2023

Stay-at-home moms are more prone to depression than many think.

Somehow, the world has this image that moms have it cushier by staying at home. Although getting yelled at by one’s boss or chasing deadlines isn’t fun either, a home can slowly turn into a house and then eventually a prison for a stay-at-home mom. The mandated maternity leave and sometimes, even the company-granted leaves, are not enough for a mom to resist the slowly creeping symptoms of postpartum depression or the more general kind. It’s a different monster altogether.

A stay-at-home mom with depression — Photo by cottonbro studio

1. Motherhood is a thankless job.

Whether it’s teens or toddlers, kids are still not aware of how we want to be thanked. Some of us have even set the bar pretty low by saying a simple “thank you” would suffice but, even that’s difficult. Although there are some chores that we genuinely enjoy, it wouldn’t hurt for the kids to do a little maintenance on their own by picking up their own clothes instead of throwing them everywhere.

If we were paid to do this, maybe it would have made it a little more bearable. But motherhood comes with no employment contract that has terms, benefits, compensation, or whatnot.

2. The same sights can drive anyone mad.

Studies have shown that routine, if not broken with a bit of novelty now and then, can cause negative feelings to arise. That’s the curse of being a stay-at-home mom; everything looks the same. The same walls, the same couch, same pillows to fluff because the kids flattened it somehow, folding the same blanket — while it’s difficult to break the routine because of more pragmatic reasons, sticking to it may drive us further off the edge.

3. Somehow, the years spent in school and college feel like nothing.

While college and school gave us a chance to meet up with friends, the things we learned from school seem to be a moot point. When schools started introducing Singapore Math, it left us helpless because all we had were numbers and that’s it. No fancy drawing. All the more when computers and coding became a subject. At some point, we just throw in the towel and let our kids figure it out. But even doing that triggers a form of mum guilt.

4. Retail therapy can only go so far.

One of a Stay-At-Home-Mom’s favorite coping mechanisms is retail therapy. With online shopping apps available, it’s easy to get budol-ed into buying something. Unfortunately, the joy is short-lived as the reality of our storage space getting no bigger dawns upon us. There’s only so much a basement can hold. Not to mention—retail therapy entails expenses. Something that many SAHMs feel guilty for spending when they could have saved it for a necessity instead.

5. Somehow, we became the family’s brains.

The traditional setup is that dads go to work and moms stay at home to keep the house from falling apart. Unfortunately, that contributes a bit to the mental load phenomenon. It’s when stay-at-home moms have to think for everybody, commanding the rest of the family members to do simple tasks to keep the house from falling apart. How many people does it take to put one shirt in the hamper?

6. The list of things to do never seems to end.

Unlike working moms who have a list of deliverables that disappear once finished, stay-at-home moms somehow don’t have that privilege. After the laundry, there’s cooking. Once cooking’s done, it’s washing the dishes. The list goes on and on, leaving an overwhelming and drowning feeling for stay-at-home moms. For those who say it’s a “delegation problem,” it’s not that simple. Some things can be done when they see it happen. Kids can help wash the dishes instead of staring at their digital yaya, the tablet, all day.

7. When stay-at-home moms get a chance to go out, it’s hard not to worry that the house will not blow up.

Stay-at-home moms create a test-proven system that keeps the house in one piece. Unfortunately, only SAHMs are the most familiar with the system, and leaving the house in someone else’s hands scares us. The house is our kingdom; our domain. It’s kind of like how some dads refuse to let anyone touch their car. The same goes for the house. If anyone breaks one of our favorite potted plants, they will become the potted plant.

A stay-at-home mom with two sons — Photo by Jep Gambardella

Whether working or stay-at-home, moms deserve the same amount of respect.

Not that working moms don’t have it hard. But stay-at-home moms should not have to deal with the irritating premise that life at home is easier than entrepreneurial or corporate life. While we’re still trying to communicate the issues and struggles we have, it’ll help if the family meets halfway to listen and maybe try to be more involved in the house. They live there, too!