Alvin Miranda and Jappy Reyes: A Love That Doesn’t Give Up

Alvin Miranda and Jappy Reyes share their story as a gay couple and now, as brand new parents, showing the effort it takes to make the dreams they have come true

After six years, four failed IVF attempts and a surrogate agency fold-up, Alvin Miranda and Jappy Reyes are now enjoying their lives with twins – four-month-old Giannina and Francisco. However, their challenges don’t end there. The bureaucracy in the Philippines, Jappy shares, has given them its own set of obstacles. “Right now, there are no legal papers here [in the Philippines] that recognize two dads as the parents. But we at least have papers for Gia and Franc from the United States that recognize both of us as their parents.”

“We acknowledge that the success of our story is because of our privilege of having a supportive community. But we’re hoping that when they see more LGBTQIA+ parents like us [Jappy and I], it’ll encourage people to try and understand where we are coming from and like everyone else, we just want to have a family,” Alvin adds.

Where Their Love Story Began

Just as their journey to parenthood is one of resilience, so is their love story which started thirteen years ago. Although they were both working in marketing and at the same company before they met, Alvin and Jappy only learned about each other through one of their meetings in a club formerly located at The Fort Strip in BGC. It was a serendipitous night, they realized.

“We didn’t even know at the time that we were working for the same company,” Alvin laughs. “We were in different branches. While I was based in Manila, he was based in Singapore.”

Jappy also credited Alvin for his eight-and-a-half-year stay in Manila, revealing that he wasn’t even planning to stay long. “I thought it [his growing relationship with Alvin] would just be a Christmas fling,” Jappy admitted. “I was based in Singapore and even though we were both working for L’Oreal at that time, I didn’t believe in long-distance relationships. And I told him, ‘Yeah, this may be the last time we’ll really see each other.’ But then, he followed me to Singapore.”

Even Alvin, himself, didn’t expect that he would go after Jappy. “I had just come from a long-term relationship so I wasn’t thinking about entering another relationship. But when we spent a night talking, we kind of just clicked. It was like – when you know, you know. After that, I remember telling L’Oreal that I needed to move to Singapore and I’m so glad they allowed it,” Alvin chuckles.

With a supportive community and company, this supposed Christmas fling would eventually end up with them tying the knot in Paris, moving back to Asia, having kids, and celebrating their thirteenth anniversary the day we did this Modern Parenting cover shoot. 

Like any other couple

Many wonder what LGBTQIA+ couples are like. The truth is, they are just like any other couple. They dream together, get into arguments, they cheer each other on when it comes to their career goals, sometimes they want pets, and sometimes, they want kids. Alvin and Jappy recall having a serious talk during their first date about wanting to have kids and how they felt about having a family someday. Luckily, they shared the same sentiments because that was the “make or break” factor.

“I remember asking him, “Do you want kids? Because if that’s not something you want, then we should end the date here,” Jappy recalls.

Alvin laughs, “We even began discussing things like, “What would the kids call us? They can’t both call us dad.” Eventually, we came up with an agreement: he would be Dada and I would be Papa. So that’s also what we call each other.” 

It’s pretty unbelievable that this was discussed on their first date, but that’s also when they both knew that they found their “person.” After several years of being together and enjoying their life as a couple, they finally decided to have a family of their own.

Surrogacy vs Adoption: Which One?

Not everyone can have a family the natural way, so Alvin and Jappy considered two options: adoption and surrogacy. After many lengthy and legal discussions, they realized that either way, there would be some compromises, but their one non-negotiable was that the kids needed to be “legally” theirs.

“The child or children had to be both of ours. Not just his or not just mine legally speaking,” Jappy reveals.

Although adoption was an option, the paperwork, the rules, and the process here in the Philippines were so discouraging according to Alvin. “We went into the rabbit hole and realized it was impossible! There’s gotta be a better way to adopt. In the Philippines, so many kids grew up in the system. There’s a very stringent background check and then, there’s a priority list. If you’re a single man, you’re last in line. We understand that it’s to prevent crimes against children like human trafficking and all, but even heteronormative couples are left hanging and waiting. It can’t be that the kids spend twelve to thirteen years waiting for families.”

But if adoption had its roundabouts and red tape, and made it impossible for Alvin and Jappy to choose this route, they were left with no other option but to explore surrogacy.

The Start of Surrogacy

Surrogacy is a whole other animal. It’s not even legally available here in the Philippines. For anyone hoping to try for surrogacy, Alvin reveals that it takes a lot of commitment, fortitude, perseverance, and ultimately, budget. These are most especially needed during the waiting period and the failed attempts which are both emotionally excruciating. “The reality is, it’s only a 30% success rate. The stories we often read can further add stigma to those who can’t carry,” Alvin intimates.

But the challenge of surrogacy truly starts with choosing someone willing to be one. Being intentional about the process is also a must especially when picking a surrogate. Especially since the woman they choose will carry the child for nine months, it wouldn’t hurt to get to know them better. Sharing the same beliefs and understanding each others’ lifestyles make surrogacy a whole lot easier, Jappy adds. “We were really lucky that the woman who became our surrogate and her family were very supportive. They were so easy to get along with and are more like our cousins now!”

They chose to do the surrogacy process in the United States because of how strict the laws are and everyone is essentially protected – the clients, the surrogate, the egg and/or sperm donor and of course, the babies. They finally bit the bullet and started the process in California in 2019. But as luck would have it, their first surrogacy agency folded during the pandemic, so they had to lawyer up to claim their embryos. 

Unfortunately, the emotionally taxing troubles didn’t stop when they finally got a hold of their embryos. This actually led to four heartbreaking IVF failures. Alvin and Jappy, with heads held high, realized this was part of the process. It made them appreciate and understand everything even more, especially the new surrogacy agency they were with and the surrogate herself.

“We opted to try again,” Jappy adds. “By then, we had to do another round of harvesting because we depleted all the embryos from the first round. One harvest costs around $30,000 USD. Half of the eggs were fertilized by my sperm and half were fertilized by Alvin’s. When the time came, we chose to do a double embryo implant.”

“In the United States, it’s normally not encouraged to implant multiple embryos because it’s risky for the surrogate and the babies so we only did two – one embryo was mine, and the other was Jappy’s,” Alvin excitedly recalls. “So we opted to try for the Nth time, had very little expectation,s and then, it happened. BOTH EMBRYOS LATCHED!”

Growing A Family

Families often have an obvious reminder that they’re expecting because the mom’s around, midway through pregnancy birthing preparations happen and then nesting. But in surrogacy, some setups can be different. The surrogate can sometimes choose to physically live away from the couple, which is what Alvin and Jappy’s surrogate did. In fact, she lived in another state, not in California.

“It’s kind of interesting when one does long-distance surrogacy,” Alvin admits. “There wasn’t actually a lifestyle change. We were just always so excited for the babies to finally arrive so we prepared nonstop.”

But a normal day and lifestyle doesn’t mean nothing’s going on. While Alvin waited in anticipation for the babies, Jappy reflected on his life and worried that the many issues he dealt with in his adult years would be passed down to his children. He reveals, “I’ve had some issues with depression, my dad had some issues as well. So, I was apprehensive to give my genetic material because – what if I pass that down to the kids?” — he then laughs — “So at one point, I even told Alvin, “Can we use your genetic material instead?”

No matter the orientation, every parent will have that moment when they’re questioning their worth as one. Those moments can range from staring blankly at the wall to having a rambling mini-meltdown of non-stop questions — the latter being something Alvin remembers Jappy having. “He was saying, “Are we even fit to be parents? What are we doing? Why are we doing this?” But the moment we were in the delivery room and when Gia was born at 7:09 AM and Franc was born at 7:10 AM via Cesarean, in a split second, we knew our lives had changed. It was purely magical,” he shares.

Four months later, they have pretty much adjusted to parenthood. But like any parent, there are good days and bad days. 

“There would be times when we would lie in bed, tired, thinking, “Gosh, what have we done to ourselves? Our lives were pretty easygoing and now there are these two little humans who have taken over,” Alvin laughs. “But as new parents, that’s something you should allow yourself: moments of levity. Otherwise, you’d go crazy especially because of the lack of sleep.”

“It’s like what Michelle Obama said in her book Becoming,” Jappy adds. “When you become a parent, it’s like you’re in a car factory. You take a car and then shake it. If one screw falls out, the whole car breaks. As a parent, now I get what it means! But having Alvin as my anchor makes all the difference, especially because I know he also has our family’s best interests at heart.”

Facing more challenges

The reality for couples like Alvin Miranda and Jappy Reyes is that their union is not legally recognized in the Philippines and neither is their family. While their former residences and places of work – Paris (France) and Bangkok (Thailand) – were supportive and progressive, it’s not the case here. In public, they still get stares and looks, while trolls send them nasty private messages on Instagram.

Alvin and Jappy do not have any paperwork that would get the Philippines to recognize them as married or as the parents of their twins Gia and Franc. Instead, the twins’ papers – birth certificates and all – are from the United States which at least is recognized by Immigration.

“Here in the Philippines, we’re both still considered ‘single’,” Jappy shares. “While Gia is considered my daughter, Franc is not my son, he is only Alvin’s. And that’s so painful for both of us. Both of them are our kids. They are our everything!”

Like any parent, it’s the world and its laws that scare them. “Without those papers, if something happens to either of us, who would protect Gia and Franc? Even medically, Jappy has no say with Franc while I have no say with Gia because we’re not recognized as their parents,” Alvin tearfully shares.

The recognition of Alvin and Jappy’s family or marriage may look like a pipe dream for many in the community. Some schools have even reserved their right to turn away families with such arrangements. “Would they be accepted because they have two gay fathers? Where would we enroll them?” Alvin lists. “Those are some of the things that we’re trying to slowly navigate now.”

Ultimately, like every other parent, Alvin and Jappy want only one thing: for the kids to be raised in a loving home and to grow up healthy and happy. Sure, success is nice but what are achievements when they can’t share it with anyone else?

“Whether there’s one mom and one dad, only one dad or only one mom, if there are two dads or two moms, that’s a family! And when everything is said and done, LOVE is what truly makes a family,” Alvin concludes.

Words: KEVYN GOHU-CATINGUB
Photography: EXCEL PANLAQUE OF KLIQ, INC.
Art Direction: MARC YELLOW & DENIELLE CARAG
Makeup: TWINKLE BERNARDO
Grooming: ANGELI ALFONSO
Styling: SIYA DARYANI OF THE CLOSET CULTURE
Shoot Coordination: ANTHONY MENDOZA
Sittings Editor: MARGA MEDRANO TUPAZ

Shot on Location at FASHION INTERIORS BY PAUL CORNELISSON
Special Thanks to SUPERSAM

More Spotlight Covers

Benedict Cua: Welcome to Single Fatherhood
JC De Vera: Growing Into His Role As A Girl Dad
Erik Cua, GP Reyes, and Kevin Tan: Transitioning From Night Life to Family Life