Dear Son, Before Dating: Be Mr. Right

In a culture where emotional connections are more important than ever, moms weigh in for their sons on what it takes to be a person’s Mr. Right in the dating scene.

“What does it take to be a man?” — biologically, there is an answer to that. But philosophically and psychologically, there are multiple ways to answer the question. Although men always seem to have the upper hand, that same power crushes them. As sons try to enter the dating scene, Modern Parenting’s moms have weighed in on what sons need to know as they enter the dating scene.

My dear son,

Dating is a lot more complex than searching up Rule 34. Yes, I know you’ve been using Google in Incognito mode so that your dad and I don’t find traces of your search history. I wasn’t born yesterday; all it takes is pressing CTRL + Shift + N simultaneously and now you’re in private browsing mode. Oh, and so you have fewer panicking moments when you use your mouse: use ALT + Tab if you want to switch windows.

See how simple that is? But dating isn’t like that. You’re dealing with another person; another individual who has a mom and dad who loves them just as much as I love you.

There’s not much in being a player.

Now, I know there’s a bit of a contest between you and your friends on who has the highest body count. But is that the only number you want to be proud of? How about the number of places you’ve traveled to this year? Or, the number of books you’ve read? Maybe the number of concerts you’ve been to? The world is a lot bigger than all the kinks and fetishes you’d like to try out in a bedroom, car, or whatever you’ve seen.

Besides, some of us have already tried those. Trust me when your dad and I say that it’s not worth it, sweetie. It’s novel, but it loses its charm, eventually.

In dating, you are not loved because of your “conquests.”

For many partners, a high body count can sometimes be a red flag. While it tells a potential partner how open they are to explore different kinks, it also implies that you’re not looking to learn and grow with someone. It looks like you’re just looking for something to add some “thrill” to your already stressful life. You may have your type but, those are just looks — be it Chinita, Morena, or whatnot. But the better question is: is your type into you?

Types are one thing but personalities are another.

Always ask yourself why you favor a certain type of girl. Is it because she looks smart? Is it because you’re excited to experience the repressed kind of crazy underneath that docile look? Mind the patterns because they will show in your relationships. Not everyone is lucky enough to get a match on their first try.

And when your relationship goes south, it’s okay to consider incompatibility. While there are some personalities that don’t mix, ask yourself what’s stopping you from connecting with that person. It’s normal to be afraid of feeling that you’re not emotionally capable; there’s nothing that will tell you that you always will be emotionally available for your partner. Life does like messing with us, after all.

Be your own Mr. Right

Perhaps, the best way to find a partner is really to be your own Mr. Right. Be your own type; find what makes you accept even the ugliest sides of you. And if you’re afraid of what you’ll see, or realize something that’s too overwhelming even for you to fix on your own, know that there are people who are willing to stick it out with you. Even if there’s no other person who will, mom and dad will be here as Captain America says, “Until the end of the line.”

Love, Mom

More about sons:

Jodi Sta. Maria On The Ups and Downs of Raising a Teenage Son
Take It Like A Man: We Need To Stop Teaching Sons That!
5 Ways Fathers Can Be Nurturers and Break Toxic Masculinity