Real Talk

Healing vs Escaping: The Difference in Wellness

by Kevyn Gohu
November 6, 2024

Escaping can sometimes look like healing but in the long run, we’re more prone to succumbing to the feelings we don’t want to face.

As many of us try out various ways to achieve wellness or healing, how do we know if we’re truly healing or if we’re just escaping from the problem? They both look the same; there’s an image if wellness that we project and none are the wiser. But a more trained eye or someone more emotionally sensitive can catch the minor nuances. It’s just that not many are willing to confront the validity of their assessment. After all, who are we to rain on someone’s parade?

Supporting Each Other

The thing about healing is that it’s both a solo and multi-player game mode. While the one who finds the healing need to understand things for themselves, there are the people who serve as the support system. Discouraged to interfere but highly encouraged to witness and support, people who choose to support one’s healing journey may sometimes find themselves signing up for something a lot more emotionally taxing than they expect.

But we’re always so quick to sign up and help others, especially parents because it makes us feel good. There’s a pleasure found in fulfillment; we offer help and healing because nobody did that for us when we needed it. Especially if the presented case is reminiscent of our struggles, we eventually become “masters” of that problem. We own it.

But there’s a caveat to actually “owning” the problem.

Thus lies the difference between escaping and healing

Marketing and business would say it’s a must to own a problem. That’s how the company thrives; the product or service is the solution to said problem.

However, wellness calls for the metaphorical splitting of some hairs.

So how do we know if we’re actually healing or escaping our issues? The difference lies in our experiences and the narratives we write about them. Sometimes, it isn’t easy to accept certain truths, and to make it easier for us, sometimes we resort to certain defense and coping mechanisms. The brain, being so complex, can make even a lie so real that we can claim that it’s true.

Thus, “escaping” may not necessarily be a conscious decision. Sometimes, our minds were so overwhelmed that they crafted a scenario that was easier for us to accept at that time. It’s why the lines between healing and escaping are so blurred; in a stressful situation, we focus on saving ourselves, regardless of the collateral damage. It’s only later on when we’re no longer part of the situation which is why there are times we get defensive.

This is how “cutting off people” can become toxic as a solution

Now, there’s nothing wrong with surrounding ourselves with the right people. However, where do we draw the line between meaningful pruning or just sticking ourselves into an echo chamber?

It’s become more acceptable nowadays to burn the bridge, especially with family members who we feel have been toxic towards us. But for it to become the ultimate solution for every disagreement, we need to re-examine the situation and ourselves. Are we truly healing when we cut these people off? Or, are we denying these realities because of something else?

Healing is when we accept that there are some realities we can’t change. We accept that we had a role — regardless if passive or active. There’s also that settlement that no matter how the situation plays out, we will accept the result. If we’re forgiven then, good. If we’re not then, it’s not ours to force or demand. We do not keep the people who wish to leave. The only thing we can do is wish that they find the healing they desperately seek.

Escapism is when we only seek out the people who sympathize or empathize with us. We look for the people who make us feel good but, the moment they contradict our worldview — it’s out the door they go. Or, we actively destroy them. Although we’ll feel good because we’ll no longer be discomforted by that truth, we may find ourselves far more isolated than we believe.

Healing is not as beautiful as video games or movies make them out to be

Most of the time, we share the uplifting feeling we find in healing. But what we rarely talk about is the journey to finding that healing. Just like how parenting has multiple approaches, so does healing. There’s no one ultimate way to heal the mind or soul. But there is one certain starting point: we have to want the healing. Most of all, we cannot heal by destroying the person or situation that hurt us.

We also can’t fight for or escape into a reality wherein the people who hurt us need to heal us. Chances are, they’ll make it worse. Worst case scenario: we may flip the script and become the monsters ourselves.

Besides, we can only run so far and escape so deeply before our trauma finally catches up with us. So, if healing feels heartbreaking and disgusting at first, don’t worry — it doesn’t last long.