When Kids Are Bullied for Being Adopted: How to Help Them Rise Above Cruel Words
Being adopted isn’t something for kids to be ashamed of — it’s a story of being chosen and loved, twice over.
While kids bully for all sorts of things, nothing hurts kids more than being told they’re adopted. The word can make them feel that they never belonged in their family to begin with. They just ended up there for some magical reason. It’s why the Tagalog word “ampon” can still hurt for some. Especially when it comes to relatives, it creates this wall that says: “You’re never going to be part of the family.”
But adoption is a lot more common than many think. It’s the happily ever after for couples who struggled to have kids and failed or found love after loss. So when kids bully your kid for being adopted, here’s what we can do:
1. Start with the truth: adoption is a story of choice, not loss.
We don’t have to tell them about the paperwork. Sometimes, being candid about being adopted can help them. It gives us the opportunity to turn that insult into something they can be proud of.
Explain to them that adoption is a story of choice. Out of the many kids you met, they were the ones they chose. Even if it meant dealing with the stress of government visits, investigations, loads of paperwork—it was a conscious choice made with love. No sane person loves going through bureaucracy for another.
So when they come home, hurt from a classmate or relative’s comment about being adopted, tell them, “True, but adopting you means we choose to love you. No matter what happens.”
Because sometimes, that’s all a child needs to remember: they are wanted. Eventually, they’ll have a comeback for that bully.
2. Help them tell their story with pride
Children often absorb shame through silence. If your child feels “different,” help them understand that different isn’t bad — it’s just their version of beautiful.
You can role-play possible conversations:
- “Yes, I’m adopted. That means I have more people who love me.”
- “Everyone’s family starts differently. Mine started when my parents chose me.”
Framing their adoption as something special — not secret — gives them the language to stand tall without needing to fight back.
3. Don’t demonize the bully
It can be so satisfying to call the kid a “bully” and many other things. But the truth is, adoption or explaining the concept probably never crossed the mind of some parents. They probably just taught their kids the typical definition: being adopted means being taken in by parents who are not related to you by blood.
Instead, model empathy. You can tell your kid, “Sometimes, kids say unkind things because they don’t know better yet. You do.”
Help your kid see beyond the cruelty. Demonstrate compassion without victimhood.
4. Connect with the teacher, not the rumor mill.
When bullying happens, skip the parental gossip hotline and go straight to the teacher or guidance counselor. Educators can help create a safe classroom culture where “adopted” isn’t whispered like a secret.
Encourage activities that celebrate family diversity — drawings, stories, or show-and-tell sessions that normalize different family structures. After all, every family has its own origin story — and every story deserves to be told without shame.
5. Keep the love louder than the noise.
When all else fails, drown out the hurt with love. Remind your child daily — through words, hugs, and consistency — that they belong. That they are not less than; they are loved more than enough.
Because love isn’t bound by biology — it’s built by choice, care, and countless small acts that say: you are mine, and I am yours.
Adoption: A Story Where Love is A Conscious Choice
Children who are adopted aren’t “lucky.” They’re loved. Adoption is proof that family isn’t defined by DNA, but by devotion. So when bullies question their place, help your child remember: they weren’t “given away.” They were chosen — by people brave enough to love beyond bloodlines.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
First, listen — without judgment or interruption. Let your child share what happened and how it made them feel. Then, affirm their emotions and remind them: being adopted is not something to be ashamed of. It’s a story of being chosen and deeply loved.
Always go through proper channels. Speak to the teacher or guidance counselor first — they can handle the situation with neutrality and protect both children’s privacy. Confrontation, though tempting, can escalate tension and make your child feel more exposed.
Normalize adoption early and often. Talk about it openly at home, celebrate “Gotcha Day” or Family Day, and share positive adoption stories. The goal is to make your child’s adoption a point of pride — not a secret to hide.
Answer honestly, in words they can understand. Tell them adoption happens when grown-ups choose to love and care for a child — sometimes, love just finds a different path. The message should always be that they were wanted, chosen, and loved twice over.
Model inclusive language yourself. Avoid phrases like “real parents” or “given away.” Instead, say “birth parents” and “adoptive parents.” Encourage schools to include adoption stories in books and classroom discussions. Kindness grows when understanding begins.
More adoption stories?
10 Celebrities Who Adopted Children
Lotlot de Leon’s Message to Kids Who are Adopted: ‘Never Be Ashamed’
Miriam Manalo’s Adoption of Her Son: “I am Your Mommy Forever!”
