Should You Let Other Parents Discipline Your Child?

When your child misbehaves in the presence of another parent, should you let that parent discipline your child?

Discipline is probably the hardest part of parenting. From constantly repeating the discipline to trying to explain, all while trying to validate what they feel, it’s a delicate and meticulous balance of emotions that would drive any parent crazy. But what happens when your child misbehaves in front of another parent? And what happens if that other parent decides to discipline your child?

What does science say about this?

Science currently talks about how a parent disciplines their own child and their different methods. We’ve covered how harsh punishments don’t necessarily teach kids but instead give them more behavioral problems. But sometimes, another parent does step in, especially as a form of support. When we see a fellow mom just about to have a meltdown because her child’s having a meltdown, we’re quick to step in. We know the embarrassment, shame, and judgmental looks from other people when our kids scream and cry in the mall because we didn’t buy the toy they wanted.

But is it our right to do so?

The unspoken rule: “No one disciplines the child except someone directly related to them.”

We don’t get anything from disciplining another child except maybe a possible negative reaction from the parent. Many of us hesitate because we’re not sure what kind of discipline the child will respond to the best. Sometimes, talking in a low voice doesn’t work. Holding their hands may sometimes be overwhelming. It’s a lot of things to consider before going in to smoothen out the situation.

But there’s also a chance of that warm, fuzzy feeling you get from another tired, burned out, and soon-to-melt mom when she gives you a thankful and grateful look that you somehow managed to get her kid to calm down. When a mom gives that look, it’s clear that she’s willing to accept any help at this point even if it’s from a mom she’s never met before.

Why are children sometimes more receptive to strangers than their own parents?

It’s a little strange but some children can be more open to discipline from strangers than their own parents. But it’s because when children meet someone new, they’re caught up in the novelty of the person. To them, the stranger with their kind response is like a “new toy” and they’re more receptive to that than someone who they live with and are quite aware that they are volatile.

Should we discipline other parents’ kids?

With respect to the unspoken rule, it’s not a good idea to approach the child straight out. This may cause unnecessary anxiety to the mom who also now has to assess if you’re a danger to her child. So, the best way to start is to approach the mom who is at a complete loss on what to do. Help her calm down by asking her if she needs anything or if she’s okay. No advice is required. Just the usual, “Are you okay?” or “Do you need help?” will do.

More parenting psychology:

We Hate Unsolicited Parenting Advice! So Why Do It?
What’s the Difference Between Gentle Parenting and Permissive Parenting?
Narcissistic Parenting: What It Is And How To Avoid It