Real Talk

7 Things Moms Want Their Boyish Daughters To Know

by Kevyn Gohu
May 29, 2023

When daughters don’t fit the stereotypical girl, their being boyish doesn’t make them any less of a woman or beautiful.

When moms raise their daughters, they want them to be cultured and refined ladies. They empower them to be the epitomes of grace, wisdom, and poise. But some daughters feel more authentic when they’re doing things that are more traditionally male. Society calls them boyish or tomboys; these daughters enjoy a good rough-housing, would choose Timberland boots over Jimmy Choo heels, goad heavyweight drinkers to a chugging match, shriek at a pink dress the same way a toddler screams at broccoli, and express no interest (sometimes, even borderline cluelessness) on how traditional female makeup or skincare works. Even their speech — some moms would chastise — sound quite vulgar or as if “galing silang kanto“.

Unfortunately, a mom’s efforts to teach their boyish daughter to act more ladylike are not always received well by the latter. But that doesn’t mean they don’t have words of wisdom for them.

1. If a man feels emasculated by you then, that’s not your problem.

Some men may find themselves intimidated by a woman who can lift concert-level stereos, lock a man twice their weight and size in a judo throw, or even eat more chicken wings than they can. But it’s not your job to soothe their egos. If they want to do the same thing you can then, they better get a lifestyle check.

2. Your liking to do boy things doesn’t mean you can’t like boys.

Somehow, the Philippines still thinks that our daughters being boyish means they like girls. A woman can be masculine in gender expression but still prefer being with a man. In fact, some men prefer boyish women because it makes them feel safe to be authentic.

3. Just because you’re boyish doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy looking traditionally feminine.

Being cute and feminine may never be your preferred look but, that doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate an elegant gown, jewelry, or a dress. There will be occasions that will call for the look and no, you cannot wear your beat-up Converse sneakers that have withstood floods under them unless your gown is floor-length. But, we will compromise by helping you find one of those rubber shoes that look like flats.

4. You will, as the Gen-Z and millennial kids say, have a lot of “prince energy.”

Every girl dreams of a prince and you, having the experiences of a woman but somewhat understanding the viewpoint of a man, will radiate that energy. Unfortunately, that may cause some miscommunications. But so long as you’re clear about your preferences, things will be just fine.

5. We wish for you to have more girlfriends.

Every mom wishes that their daughters have a girl squad as they did. Their besties form a sisterhood in motherhood that they hold a special place in their hearts. But as they say, “Birds of the same feather flock together.” So, it’s something many moms have to accept from their tomboy daughters that their girl squad is more of a band of brothers.

6. You will find girls who are happy with who you are.

It’s common in almost every all-girl school that there will be a group known as the misfits that will be the target of all the bullying. No amount of money in the world will change that but, in that same group, there will be a group of girls who will accept you for who you are. They will love your boyish nature and be your friends for life.

7. There’s a time and place for everything.

As much as you, my dear daughter, love good rough-housing, not every problem can be solved with a good punching it out. Sometimes, you will need to bow out with grace. Even husbands know when not to go against their wives when things go down the wrong way.

Being boyish doesn’t make moms love their daughters any less!

Although we moms will miss the days when we could twin or wear the same dresses together with our daughters without a fuss, we will not stop loving our daughters because they’re expressing their authentic selves. As parents, we can’t force our kids into who we want them to be. We can only guide them towards what they’re meant to be.