Kids

Are Your Kids Shy? Here’s Probably Why

by Kevyn Gohu
March 16, 2022

There are some kids who are shy and have trouble making friends. Here’s probably why.

Kids have different personalities, often decided by how they were raised and by genetics. The difference then reveals that some kids can be extremely shy. They tend to hide behind their parents, lose their ability to speak, and may sometimes throw tantrums. Worst case scenario is — they completely withdraw from social interactions. But here’s probably why and how we can ease our kids into making friends on their own.

Psychosocial Stage: Initiative vs Guilt

Kids, especially toddlers, go through what Erikson calls the psychosocial stage of Initiative vs Guilt. During this stage, kids will try to explore things on their own. What influences which stage they’ll end up in are how people around them respond. Kids actually don’t freak out when they’re in pain but learn the response from parents. When we freak out, they’ll freak out too which can lead to feelings of guilt. To prevent such, they’ll have a higher tendency to withdraw from situations that will trigger the same response.

Social Anxiety Disorder

Some children have Social Anxiety Disorder which they often show through losing their ability to speak and suffering stomachaches. Social Anxiety Disorder however isn’t something they’re born with but some children have the genes to become anxious by nature. They’re more prone to getting it if Anxiety runs in the family. But it isn’t something they can’t get over with. Some adults do and their manifestations aren’t as obvious. Some adults express their anxiety through rambling.

The unforseen factor: COVID-19

Unfortunately, the unforeseen length of the pandemic may have stunted the growth of our kids’ social skills. The online environment could only do so much as most situations are simulated. It’s why some studies discourage having too much screen time but it’s also because the apps available may not encourage social interaction. Some video games do encourage it but there’s also knowing what kind of community is in the said video games. Pinoys unfortunately are dubbed as “pee-noise” due to the tendency to trash-talk and bully other players.

Kids can overcome their being shy, but do so gently

Some of us believe in the whole “sink-or-swim” learning mentality but, kids can’t get over their being shy by being shocked into the situation. It’ll take time from slowly increasing the number of people to also mixing certain personalities. It’ll take a little more observation skills from us, like how some kids could be more assertive or expressive. From, also noticing if the other child has violent tendencies. With the lockdown levels slowly rising, having some playdates with at least 2-3 other kids might help them eventually adjust to a 10-member-class or even a 40-member-class in traditional schooling.