Real Talk

Walkaway Wife Syndrome: When Mama Gets Quiet

by Kevyn Gohu
October 3, 2024

Moms are always depicted as the nag. But it’s a lot scarier when we fall quiet and show signs of Walkaway Wife Syndrome.

Moms are usually the ones on top of things. Activities for the day, list of things for the house, meals to eat, necessities for the family — the only time the rest of the family gets it done is when we start barking orders, making us look like nags. It’s why husbands often jokingly refer to their wives as “commanders” to their friends. Our teens sometimes think we’re too nosy and annoying. While those comments slide off our backs most of the time, there’s a time when it’s too much. That’s the day we “walk away” — the day we get hit by Walkaway Wife Syndrome.

Walkaway Wife Syndrome: When we just don’t care anymore

Especially after years of handling the emotional weight of the whole house and wondering why the rest of the family doesn’t seem to figure it out, we end up just giving up. Walkaway Wife Syndrome, coined by journalist Paul Akers in 1996, is when we decide that our emotional investment will never bear fruit and detach ourselves from our families. Sure, we’ll still feed the kids, do the laundry, and maintain the house. But the distance is obvious.

It shows in the food when it’s just dumped onto the plate and it tastes different. Like something is missing and we can’t identify what it is.

Table conversations don’t happen anymore. It’s just the silent typing on the phone and a few nods here and there.

Any form of affection is rebuffed.

The home just turns into a house.

Not official but very real

While it doesn’t have an official psychiatric diagnosis, Walkaway Wife Syndrome does happen when all the self-care just isn’t enough. A part of us demands, if not screams, for change. For once, we want someone else other than us to care as hard or at least half as much as we do. When we’ve sent all sorts of signals and nobody seems to get it (especially our loved ones), we just sort of shut down. But we remind ourselves that we can’t melt down. As the meme says, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

So instead, we numb ourselves in hopes someone would notice.

It doesn’t just happen to women!

Walkaway Wife Syndrome only gained its name and popularity because we know its moms or wives who show that they are emotionally invested. Dads can get it too; it’s just that we’ve gotten used to men being so stoic that we rarely take note if they walkaway or not. The “leaving” is not in the physical sense either; their walking away is purely emotional. As if we’re just colleagues in the workplace.

However, we know that kids shouldn’t grow up in a place like that. After all, kids learn their love language from their parents. How we treat our partners will teach them how they should treat theirs in the future.