Kids

Why Parenting A Teen Sometimes Feels Like A Fight For Control

by Kevyn Gohu
July 4, 2022

Parenting a teen is probably one of the most turbulent moments in parents’ lives as it feels akin to a fight for control.

Every parent seems to dread parenting a teen. In movies, it’s when all the screaming, drama, and angst start. Some parents wonder where their little angels have gone and why it seems these older creatures known as teens countermand their every wish. After all, they weren’t like that before. But now that they’re there, every day in the house seems to be a fight for control.

Why does it feel that way?

As our kids grow up into teens, they undergo a lot of changes. But the most stressful one would be the change in behavior. What was once a bouncing and bubbly kid may go a full-180 degree change into someone brooding and wanting to turn into a vampire. From playing Ariana Grande’s Break Free, My Chemical Romance’s Welcome To The Black Parade might be blaring all throughout the house.

It’s a lot to take in. With all these changes, parents half the time are scratching their heads, wondering where they could have possibly gone wrong. We’re also in the process of wrapping our heads that the image we have of our kids now teens is severely outdated.

Understanding the physiology of your teen

A teen undergoes A LOT of change which can be extremely distressing. Besides their brains trying to adjust, they have hormones firing all over the place. It’s kind of like how we update our phone or laptop’s software. Except computers can’t complain. Our teens can’t really complain either because it’s hard to make sense of these changes. They just happen. It’s also why teens are more prone to suffering from mental health disorders. Their whole health profile is changing. Moreover, it’s around this time that some genetic disorders might rear their ugly heads.

“Don’t fight against their nature, work with it.”

As parents, we’re probably the best weapon they’ve got in their arsenal against this barrage of changes. We may not be completely familiar with their interests but we are familiar with how they approach things. Instead of telling them not to drink (because it’s hypocritical if we pop tequila shots or drink wine like water), drink with them and let them discover their limit. At least it’s at home, you’re there, and there’s a clean toilet.

Also, if they have any allergic reactions, the medicine cabinet is just a hop or skip away.

Raising A Teen Doesn’t Need To Be A Fight For Control

Parents always look at raising teens as a time full of heartbreak. But that’s if we’re going into raising our teens with the intent to control them. However, letting them go doesn’t mean always saying yes. It means more than ever being open and patient to entertaining the deep and abstract questions that we thought were only something we’d talk about in college.