Uncategorized
Why This Family Decided to Only Have One Child
This family hopes to normalize the conversation on the decision to have just one child.
How many times have you encountered family members, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers giving their unsolicited advice to have more than one child—because an only child will grow up to be lonely, spoiled, or both? For Mae Virtucio and her family, this happens quite often. But her faith is strong and she’s quick to brush it aside.
“My husband Philip and I were married in 2010 and didn’t think of having a baby right away. In our second year, we decided to have a baby. But our daughter Veira (or VV) didn’t come until our sixth year,” she shares.
“It was a sensitive pregnancy since I was already 33 when I gave birth,” she recalls. “Plus, I had certain medical conditions. I even had to go on medical leave but my employer in China at the time, Disney English, was very gracious and supportive.”
“When we finally had her and brought her to China for the first time (she was only six months old then), she got sick. So we decided to give up China life, go home, and start all over in Bohol.”
The family’s decision to have only one child
Mae explains that they didn’t really close their doors to having another child until 2020 at the beginning of the pandemic. “Veira had been hospitalized a lot of times when she was small. First, when she was a little over a year old and also when she was almost three and almost four years old.”
“Every time she got sick, we’d be so scared and worried like any parent would be when their child isn’t feeling well. And then thinking about the pandemic even worsened our fear and paranoia. It’s already scary enough even though Veira, who is six years old, can express herself when she’s not feeling well. How much worse would it be if we had a baby?”
On top of this, Mae says that Veira is a miracle baby. “When one of the doctors we saw told us that we couldn’t get pregnant because of a certain medical condition, we learned to accept that it would just be me and Philip. However, we still kept praying to God to give us even just one child. So, when Veira came, we knew she is God’s most precious gift. We’re not even sure if we can still have another baby.”
With more modern couples making a decision to be child-free, Mae believes it’s important to talk about it as a couple. “Discuss the pros and cons. Never forget that one of the blessings of marriage is procreation and raising children of God. Of course, they can also talk to their families and see what they think. However, it is the couple who should ultimately make the decision.”
On dealing with unsolicited advice
For Mae, people constantly have something to say in everything they do. And at times, it can get annoying. “Before I got married, people said, ‘Get married na. You’re not getting any younger.’ Then, when we got married, they said, ‘It’s time to have a baby. You’re not getting any younger.’ And now, “Oi, kailan niyo bibigyan ng kapatid si VV?’” she laughs.
“I just tell them that when we asked the Lord for a baby, we asked for only one. However, if the Lord should bless us with another one, then, of course, we will welcome it with open arms. I always say it’s all in God’s hands and God’s perfect time. When He wills it, even the most impossible things can happen.”
“Do what you believe is best for your family.”
Judgment and criticism are inevitable. Nonetheless, if you let it affect you—in Mae’s words—lugi ka. “That’s your body, that’s your family. Do what you believe is best for your family. Most of all, pray and ask the Lord to guide you and your family in all the decisions you make. And remember, God’s plans will always prevail. So, don’t close and lock your door. Leave it ajar.”
Mae’s parenting style with her daughter Veira
As a family with one child, Mae admits to being a tough momma. “One thing that my husband and I are really proud of is that VV is well-disciplined. We are strict when it comes to disciplining her. In fact, we were stricter when she was smaller—like 2 or 3 years old—because we know this is the crucial age for instilling values in her.”
“There are so many values we want to impart—patience, respect, humility, equal love for others, compassion, and faith in God. I especially want her to grow up knowing that she can always count on us—that she can be what she wants to be as long as it doesn’t harm her or other people. We want her to understand that though she has no sibling, she is loved by a lot of people—us, family, and friends.”
In raising an only child, discipline is key. “Stay in command and in control. Plus, never give in to your child’s every whim. Know when to say yes and no.”
Mae adds that it’s important to invest in their emotional growth. “Let them know you’ll always be there. Set aside everything when they come to you for anything. Be their best friend and confidant. The reason kids turn to other people when they have problems or issues is that they don’t feel they can talk to you. Let them decide what they want to become. Don’t judge. Just guide.”
“At the end of the day, we’re not perfect parents. But we sure are who she needs in her life.”
Find more stories on Modern Parenting:
When Are You Going To Have a Baby? Questions and Subjects that can be Sensitive to Others
Maxene Magalona: “Stop Asking Women When They’ll Have Kids!”
Closing Shop: Why I’m Done Having Kids
