Real Talk

It’s Okay To Be Confused: 5 Lessons I’ve Learned About Having Family Members With Cancer

by Alexa Villano
October 31, 2024

Having a family member diagnosed with cancer can be scary and confusing. Here are tips to handle the emotions

Cancer is one of the leading causes of death worldwide. It is also a known fact that it can be a silent killer. It can take a toll on the family in all aspects and drain savings.

While we acknowledge the physical challenges of cancer, the emotional side tends to be set aside. As someone whose family members went through cancer, I know what it feels like to be emotionally exhausted, and this has given me some realizations. Here are five lessons I’ve picked up along the way as a caregiver and supporter.

1 It’s okay to be confused

We may know what cancer may be, but we might not know all the questions and answers that will come after. Every diagnosis and cancer journey is different, and it’s okay to be confused. As humans, we don’t know all the answers, regardless of what the medical staff will say.

2 Acknowledge your feelings

Hearing someone you love diagnosed with cancer is tough. I know what it felt like the moment I got the news my sister was diagnosed. I felt like cold water was thrown at me for a few seconds, and then I just burst into tears. But after a few seconds, I wiped my tears and deeply breathed. The fact I acknowledged it helped me get through the moments I heard she underwent the procedure and it was a success.

Whatever you feel, acknowledge it. Don’t bottle it up. Release it after and ask yourself what you can do. Be proactive as they say.

3 Research and be informed

As a journalist, I’ve always believed in the importance of information. I researched and watched videos from credible sources on what I can do as a caregiver/caretaker and also for myself. I also asked people I know whose situation was similar to mine and they were able to give me tips and resources I can also check.

Recently, I came upon support groups and listened to their talks, which enriched my mind about what I can do to help others who went through similar situations.

4 You need to be patient more than ever

Like people with other conditions, you have to be patient when a family member is diagnosed with cancer. The medicines they drink can cause side effects from mood swings to cramps. Sometimes, you will find yourself raising your voice and arguing with them. Alongside patience, you must be compassionate because it’s not easy for them, especially when they feel helpless.

5 It’s okay to rest and seek help

Taking care of a cancer patient can put a toll on one’s mental health. I am privileged to have my siblings with me, and we all agreed to take turns when we can. You can also seek professional help by getting a knowledgeable caregiver or nurse. It’s important to rest because to take care of your family members, you also have to be healthy.

Always remember to take things in stride

Whether you are a first-timer whose family member was diagnosed or has gone through it so many times, it’s important to acknowledge that it won’t be easy. Balancing your life, career, and a family member who is sick can be draining at times, so grab those moments that you can take a breather. It’s easier said than done, but I can tell you, it will teach you to be a better person in handling difficult situations.