Moms and Dads

Moms’ Mental Load: “Because Someone Has To Do It”

by Kevyn Gohu
August 3, 2022

Moms will always have this unseen mental load that their families and they themselves struggle to understand.

“Mom, where’s my (insert needed specific clothing piece here)?”, “Ma, have you seen my socks?”, “Mommy, I’m hungry!” — despite not us using it ever, we moms can somehow juggle all these things on our own. Our brains are constantly running on overdrive, faster than any gaming laptop your gamer kids can dream of. Yet, at times, it gets so heavy. This is what we call “mental load” and it’s something that all moms end up dealing with. Why do we deal with it? “Because someone has to.”

What is Mental Load?

A mental load is when an individual already has a planned route and routine in their head, linking up several activities that lead to the next task and the next. While it sounds like typical planning, moms also need to take into account the little mannerisms that her family has that can disrupt her route and routine. Laundry, for example, may never be found in the hamper. It’s usually hanging on a chair. Some kids don’t say when they’re hungry, they just get extra cranky. Then, there’s dad when he goes to the grocery and he calls, wondering what to buy when the typical brand and size are missing.

Those are just the small bits. There’s also the spontaneous need for conflict management. The usual rage when the internet gets cut, snarling when younger siblings invade their older siblings’ territory, agreeing on food that everybody will eat—moms manage that too. Let’s not forget that moms take pets into consideration. Furbabies don’t have opposable thumbs unless they’re monkeys.

Why not delegate?

Believe us, moms would love to lighten the mental load. But once there’s a rhythm we achieve and we trust someone else to do it, it adds an extra task to our mind: quality check. There’s a standard we moms hold ourselves to, from cleanliness all the way down to academic pursuits. There’s an unspoken, golden standard that we moms hold ourselves to.

Do we sound like control freaks? Yes, we know that.

Do we sound crazy? Yes, we know that as well.

But we’ve dealt with this for years because we know that’s what society demands and expects.

“Because Someone Has To Do It.”

As frustrating as it is, sometimes, we’re the ones who need to step up to the plate because it seems daunting to everyone else in the family. Although we don’t say it, we moms always appreciate it if the family steps up to take on some of the mental load on their own. We don’t like forcing people or ordering people around. While we appreciate good help from the family, we’ll try our best not to be too meticulous and rigid in how we do things.