Moms and Dads

5 Ways Fathers Can Be Nurturers and Break Toxic Masculinity

by Gretchen Gatan Fragada
August 18, 2022

Because in modern parenting, there’s no longer room for toxic masculinity. Learn different ways fathers can be nurturers.

For decades, men were expected to act tough and strong, and that they’re not allowed to show weakness or emotions. It’s a very archaic way of thinking because toxic masculinity tends to prevent fathers from being emotionally available to their children. It stands in the way of bonding with their kids and enriching their parenting experience. Thankfully, more and more dads are changing this and are exerting effort in breaking the generational cycle. They want to form deeper connections with their families and co-parent with their partners rather than taking a backseat. There are many different ways fathers can be nurturers.

5 Ways Fathers Can Be Nurturers

1. Unlearn toxic masculinity norms

Toxic masculinity often leads to gender-based violence and misogyny. This is why it’s important to unlearn it and teach young boys that all genders are equal. Expressions like, “Boys will be boys,” should no longer be tolerated as well. When a dad sees his son being too rough to the point that he’s already hurting someone, he needs to intervene and explain why it isn’t okay.

2. Express a range of emotions

Men are taught from an early age that showing emotions is a sign of weakness and that real men don’t ask for help. This leads to them bottling up different emotions. And if these emotions aren’t acknowledged, they become stronger and manifest in other ways — like violence, aggression, and insensitivity. By showing children that it’s okay to feel sad and cry, or be angry and take a deep breath, they’re learning that all feelings are valid.

3. Develop healthy communication skills

Healthy communication helps parents better understand their children and the situations that they’re in. Moreover, it helps families overcome diversities, build trust and respect, and create conditions for sharing ideas and solving problems. The more that parents communicate with their children, the more the children will improve their communication abilities and will relate better to the people around them.

4. Address toxic masculinity in other men

Because toxic masculinity was ingrained in Filipino culture for many years, it can be hard to unlearn. But by acknowledging where you are and the facets you want to alter, you can move forward and do better. Have tough conversations with your friends and dad barkada. Get perspectives from different people on how you handle certain situations or your biases when it comes to masculinity. Try not to get defensive. Instead, listen to how your actions have impacted others. It might surprise you that certain things you did or said came across differently from how you intended.

5. Show vulnerability

Part of what makes us human is our ability to feel and process our emotions. When we avoid our emotions, it can lead to a number of consequences. These include mental health disorders. Suppressing emotions can lead to depression and anxiety as well. For men, in particular, it can increase the risk of suicide. Studies show that men are more likely to commit suicide compared to women. By becoming vulnerable and allowing yourself to express your emotions freely, you’re also teaching your children the ability to connect with themselves, improve decision-making, and build their confidence.

Fathers can be good nurturers, too!

Studies show that healthy father-child relationships help children flourish when it comes to coping and adapting, solving problems, staying in school, and developing longer-lasting relationships. But it’s good to also note that being a nurturing father can look different from one man to another because each father and child relationship is unique!