Special Features

Intentional Parenting: Hayden Kho Futureproofs His Family of Three

by Pipo Gonzales
June 13, 2021

The family man proudly shares his self-actualized views on faith, family, and fatherhood

“I’m very intentional when it comes to my parenting,” shares Hayden, something he consistently reminds us throughout the interview. “By intentional, I mean really talking about and living out the values and the priorities that I want her (Scarlet) to learn. Because I don’t want others—culture, media, friends, external or extended family, to teach her that stuff. So in that sense, I’m very intentional.”

Leading a busy family life that emphasizes his strong ties with his faith and his admirable family values, Hayden has his hands full—and he’s clearly enjoying every minute of it. The father of one is a careful family planner who takes pride in his duty of futureproofing his family’s goals. Hayden, with all his highly-organized schedules and goal-keeping apps, shows how incredibly serious he can get when it comes to family matters.

The Belo-Kho Family Values

At home, the family adheres to the set family values of humility, integrity, and service. “And all these things you do for the glory of God,” he adds. These guiding principles help their family unit to act with sincerity in their actions.

A devout Christian who leads ministries, bible studies, and participates in his Church’s activities, Hayden carries his faith too in his way of parenting. “I use the Bible as my guidebook on how to raise Scarlet. I’m a Christian. The way I learn love is by looking at how God has shown his love for us, which is very self-sacrificing. So, my approach to my parenting is also a self-sacrificing kind of love.”

Consistent with this approach is his leadership style at home. “Being the leader means I have to be more careful and more responsible. And the kind of leadership that I show is self-sacrificing leadership. I should always be ready to sacrifice my own goals, intentions, and all that stuff for the sake of my wife and my child.”

Parenting Duties with Vicki

How has it been raising Scarlet with Vicki? Hayden is all praises when the topic focuses on his wife Vicki. “I’m very grateful that my wife is—although she’s a very strong woman and everyone knows she’s a strong woman—when it comes to the family, she lets me lead. It doesn’t mean that I am more important, because I’m the leader or I’m more valuable. It’s not the measure of value.”

When it comes to discipline, Hayden admits that Vicki plays the good cop to his bad cop. But being a dad entails more duties than just being an authority figure, as Hayden shows. One of the more important things he does is shape his daughter’s identity encouragingly and lovingly.

“I really believe this is the role of a father. Telling Scarlet, ‘You are a Belo-Kho person. You are our child. Other families may have different rules, different ways, but we’re different. This, is who you are. And you are a child of God, and no matter what bad things people say about you, you are beautiful. You are a masterpiece of God.’”

Bonding with Scarlet

Hayden jokes that he still has a lot to learn when it comes to playing with Scarlet, having been accustomed to more boyish and rambunctious games. “She doesn’t like my games. So she always plays with her mom. And sometimes when I make pakialam—because she loves storytelling—Scarlet says, ‘Daddy, can you just watch and listen to our stories?’ The dad and daughter duo get to bond a lot over other things too—playing the piano, doing bible studies together, and drawing side by side during art class. During our shoot, we also noticed how much they love having conversations with one another.

The issue about social media is something Hayden is very particular about. And he is proudly, a very protective figure in his daughter’s life. And so, he ensures that managing this aspect of her life is done correctly. He even reserved all possible account names before Scarlet was born to ensure no one tarnishes her image.

While blocking and deleting messages of her cruel detractors online is something Hayden admits he does, he also never backs down when naysayers cross the line. He’s chased some of them down to their employers for a dose of their own bitter medicine.

“Our influence represents a message,” Hayden says, referring to his family’s digital presence. “So the question is, what message do you want to send out? In Scarlet’s case, it’s already there (her social media). And it’s not going to go away so might as well control this na. So we took control and decided that the message of Scarlet’s social media is family, faith, positive vibes, and all those good things. That means we are very careful, again intentionally, we’re very grateful about the messages that we are able to send out there.”

While Quark guesses that Scarlet might have a future in writing in directing—as she does learn from film and music suggestions from him—Hayden is also hoping that Scarlet will eventually join Vicki and Cristalle at the Belo Medical Group. Their family has taken huge steps in working their way backwards and figuring out what she needs to do in order to become a future leader.

What Being a Girl-dad means to Hayden Kho

Being a girl-dad has many perks, and Hayden gushes when talking about Scarlet just as much as when he talks about his wife. “I love it because she’s sweet. And I’m a guy. Gusto ko malambing and I like sharing my stories with her. She feels like she’s part of my adventures. When I was younger, I planned on having three kids and I’ve always said, ‘Gusto ko ang panganay ko girl, and then boy, and then girl again.’”

Does he worry about every girl-dad’s bane of existence when their child enters their teens? He is, admittedly, but he’s also confident that he’ll be just as protective (if not more) with her when she reaches this stage of her life. “I’m worried about boys. But they should be worried about me because I’ve been a bad boy before. And everyone knows that. So I know the tricks of the trade. Mag-ingat sila sa kin,” he says with a chuckle.

Intentional Parenting

How does one become more intentional when parenting their children? Hayden offers some helpful tips. “Number one is love. Love should be the foundation of everything. And if you don’t know what love is, please, read Corinthians 13,” he says. This is very important because children can see where your love is directed, Hayden tells us. Second, he explains how respect teaches kindness and helps make our children feel encouraged and valued. The family practices respect by being careful with words and actions—not just to each other, but to other people as well.

“Number three, always be intentional. Know what you want, never be passive, never let the media or her extended family or her friends or her school be the one to teach her the important things in life which are values, priorities, and matters of God. We have to pay careful attention to how we live our lives because they see us as the models.”

Lessons From a Father

Hayden cites the importance of boundaries and limits and practicing gratitude at home. “Don’t let the culture determine what is healthy for her and always practice gratitude because it fights selfishness. Selfishness is what causes divisions in families. Gratitude is mainly about being content. So we have to teach our kids contentment. I think we also have to model forgiveness and grace to our children, regardless of the personal cost.” And lastly, grit, as Hayden shares, also helps shape a child’s adaptability in the future.

He also shares his wife’s wisdom when it comes to parenting. “Vicki has this thing where almost every day she asks Scarlet, “Where did you fail today?” Nagtataka si Scarlet, ‘Why ask me where I failed? You should be asking me where I succeeded.’ The reason why Vicki asked that question is that she wants to know that Scarlet is always trying. And it’s okay to fail because you don’t become strong by winning: you become strong by failing,” he says proudly.

So much has been learned by Hayden since he began his parenthood journey and it’s evident that this is not the same “bad boy” he once was. And with Vicki and Scarlet cheering him on, he has grown to be his best throughout the experience. His duty as a husband, father, and leader of his family is something he yearns to fulfill every single day, with sincere eagerness.

Hence, in all aspects, be it in faith, family, and fatherhood, everything has been well and joyful. And as the public eye continues to follow his family’s journey, Hayden continues to focus on what truly is important: his fatherly duties—unmoved by the unnecessary, deeply bound to his faith, and intentional every bit of the way.

Words PIPO GONZALES
Photography FLOYD JHOCSON
Styling HARLEY GRAJE
Makeup TAMARA PINEDA of NARS PH
Hairstyling JOSEPH FANTONE of COLORBAR PH
Sittings Editor MARGA MEDRANO TUPAZ